Things NOT to Say

I have seen an article "10 Thing Not to Say to a Spouse of a Deployed Soldier" floating around Facebook and related so well to it. When another army wife re-worded the article and put her spin on it I had to finally put this on my blog...so here we go! Thank you Liz Even for capturing the few things that have been said to so many of us military wives with deployed husbands. I never wanted this blog to be all about miltary stuff or political things, but this is just too good to pass up posting..most likely because I have had ALL these said to me and can put me in a very fowl mood!

1."Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds —but thanks, you just brought it back to the front.

2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.

3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf?

4. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored.

5. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they volunteer again and again to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.

6. "The next deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
We do learn coping skills. We figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before.

7. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
This one is similar to number three . Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. With a 6-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, and he flew comfortably on a commercial plane. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment.

8. "Wow you must miss him?"
This one also gets antoher big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.

9. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there."
Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.

10. "OH, that's horrible…I'm so sorry!"
He's doing his job and he's awesome. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.