The Army of Allmans

The Holidays in Pictures

2012-01-18T08:48:00.001-06:00

Well I am quite the lazy one and this "monthly" blog (yes, that is what it has come to - monthly) is gonna stay as lazy and I'm just gonna post photos from December to fill you in on our happenings.

First, we went on an awesome ski trip with my brother, sister in law, niece, nephew, mom and dad to Ski Apache in New Mexico. Just a quick 2 hour drive for us to hit the slopes. 5 days in one large rented home, 6 kids, 6 adults, and Christmas celebrated, which led us to having lots of fun, a few sore muscles, thoughtful gifts given, some sledding and tubing, game nights, and lazy mornings with a hot cup of coffee together.

Me with Jason, brother Landon and sis-in-law Brittney.

About to hit the slopes!

My skiing buddies.

Jason with the older boys.

All the cousins with the animal hats they got to match their personality-
perfect for spotting them in the snow!

Mom and I skiing together.

The whole gang!

On a side note, my son Parker is C-R-A-Z-Y good at snow skiing...we are talking he went down greens and even a black! He would pass me and Jason up on the slopes with NO FEAR of hurting himself. At one point he came down a slope I wouldn't even attempt and said "Man, I almost killed myself up there but it was awesome!" SO not like his personality to be fearless... I think he found some self confidence and we might be seeing him at the X-games one day! (Banner and West aren't too far behind either)

Here's a video of my dad trying to keep up with Parker!

We came home the day before Christmas eve and got things ready for Santa's visit. We made cookies and a gingerbread house, watch Christmas movies and read the Christmas story. On Christmas morning the boys got their three presents each from us, Santa's big gift for the family, and stockings full of goodies. I was even surprised with my gift - a Nook - a gift Jason thought I would love and after using it to ready my latest book he was right - I'm in love!

Reading Jesus's birth story.

Making a gingerbread house with Daddy.

Making cookies with Mommy.

The boys thought a red bull was more appropriate for Santa than milk!

Our beautiful lights put up by a wonderful Daddy!

Banner got his first bb gun for Christmas.

Santa left a note telling the boys where to find the big family present...

A tether ball set for all to play with!

West got more superhero toys.

Parker and his new Harry Potter game.

Me and my nook!

West showing off more gifts.

Clark in all his cuteness.

We had such a good time on Christmas - our family is so blessed!

A few days later we were greeted by the whole Allman crew! Jason's parents, brother, sister-in-law, and sister all came in to celebrate with us! We ate, played games, went to movies, shopped, had a couple date nights (!), sat and visited, and got to spend some much needed time together - all 11 of us!

All the men of the family.

The boys sweet aunts.

Opening gifts.

Games with Aunt Kari.

A table for 11 please!

A family game of baseball.

Even the smallest get to hit.

Our new years was also a ton of fun with our friends! We ate, drank, kids played and danced and we took it all in and celebrated the new year with our new friends WITH NO DEPLOYMENTS, NO MAJOR MOVES (okay, we might move to another house but that is cake compared to moving cities and states!), NO BABIES BEING BORN, and (hopefully) NO ILLNESSES!!!! A calm, quiet year settling in here in El Paso! If you remember this post - I was sure hoping for this!

Kids enjoying the food.

Dancing the night away!

Our new years kiss.

Cheers!

Will be 10 years married in June!

Us with the hosts - Sara and Billy.

This year holds our 10 year wedding anniversary along with a vacation, West turning 6, Banner turning 7, Parker turning 9, and Clark turning 4. I think I am gonna really gonna love 2012!

Confirmation

2011-12-16T15:54:00.001-06:00

As a mom of four boys, I often question my parenting. Am I too strict, am I too lenient, am I too demanding, am I not spending enough time with them, should I allow this or that in our home??....etc.

Yesterday as I walked down the boys school hallway I was brought to tears when seeing something that confirmed I was doing SOMETHING right. Jason and I have tried for almost 6 years now to do a bedtime devotional with all the boys. And though there have been several skipped nights, we continue to do our nightly ritual and even sing a few songs together (lately- they have been Christmas songs!) There is nothing like one of the boys asking if I can sit on their bed during devotional time. Anyways, today I saw that there is something we talk about that is getting through to them. My oldest Parker made me the PROUDEST Momma when I saw this displayed in the school hallway.

It's the last sentence got me - " I feel happy, excited, and grateful for everything I have"

I guess teaching him about how the Lord provides for us and how fortunate we are is sticking!

Not only did that made my day- when Parker came home, he had a big blue first place ribbon. He had won the "best speller/reader" in all the 2nd grade (which I thought was funny since he misspelled "beautiful and chocolate" on his paper!).Plus he is now going to participate in the school's spelling bee. Talk about a proud momma!

Sorry for all the bragging on my kids- but he (and the other three) are pretty great! Here are a few pictures from each of their Christmas performances.

West in his PJ's.

Singing about sugarplums.

Banner singing(of course between 2 girls!)

Parker got to talk about their song selection...He said he felt cool like Justin Beiber with a microphone!

Singing his song.

Hope everyone reading has a very Merry Christmas! We are headed to New Mexico to do some snow skiing with my family, and then our family Christmas (with a visit from Santa), and then we will have a week with Jason's family to celebrate! Lots of time and fun together along with our families - We should feel grateful!

Update #2

2011-12-04T11:46:00.001-06:00

Hello again, sorry it has taken me a while to blog. I would like to say I am busy, but it is probably more just laziness. Wanted to share some pictures and let everyone know how our holidays are going.

First let me tell you 2 big PRAISES in my life:
#1 - We have found a church! Sunday after Sunday since getting here to Fort Bliss, we tried out a new church, and I thought we had exhausted our chances of my goal to find our home church by the first of the year. Well after being curious in a church here with the same name as our beloved church in Alabama, Hillcrest Baptist Church, we thought what the heck and decided to try it out. We walk in and as Jason said, it was so calm. We felt like we belonged there after 10 min. Everyone was SO helpful in walking us around and helping us find where all the boys classes were, especially the pastor's wife, and the preaching was such a blessing. Next thing you know the pastor and his wife came to our home and we got to sit and chat with them for a couple of hours. Jason was so glad to hear they were part of a competitive church softball league - A big selling point for him. It was also nice they are the exact same age as us and are expecting their fourth child! I wanted one that had something to offer the kids and myself - and sure enough they have woman's bible study as an outlet for me to find some friends and plenty of children's activities. I can't wait to get more involved and start finding where I can help inside the church's ministries!

#2 Speaking of friends, a couple months ago Jason had asked me if he could invite another pilot he deployed with over for dinner with his family. With 2 sweet boys and an even sweeter little girl, this new family came over our house for a simple dinner- and I am happy to say we have spent three special occasions with them now! After just being around them once, they invited us over for a birthday party, Halloween night and Thanksgiving! Sarah (not to be confused with my other Sara) has become a quick friend who's qualities I knew I needed in one. She has been such a blessing to me already! We also have our common bond of being a mom to several kids and a wife to a blackhawk pilot in the same company.

Now Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday, basically eating and enjoying each other and a simple day that holds a lot of meaning. But I was a tad nervous not to be having it with family. Boy was I wrong to be apprehensive.

It was the PERFECT day.

That morning I finished making Jason's favorites - my grandmothers famous dressing and a few pies as the parade was on the television. We headed over to their home and spend the day talking, laughing, getting to know others, and simply enjoying every minute. The food was awesome, the company even better. Another pilot and his wife came and Sarah's mother. I could not of asked for a more blessed feeling when we headed home that night.

Here are a few pictures from the day:

West and Clark watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Banner and Parker too.

The kids table.

The adults that shared Thanksgiving together.

I was pretty proud of my apple, chocolate, and cherry pies! And yeah that's right, I did the braiding and lattice work on the apple pie myself!

My new friend Sarah

Our families together

Just the Allmans

On a different note, I wanted to share some pictures of the big boys who have started playing basketball. Now I loved baseball season, but this is becoming just as fun. It is a little faster paced and I'm not pre-treating grass stains every game day! They are doing so well and enjoying it immensely!

As Christmas approaches I have been trying to find something to do with myself as Jason has had to go up to Washington a couple times for work and I am left here in the quiet. So I went on pinterest and found me a craft to do, and I am pretty satisfied at my completed work. I am NOT a crafty/artsy person...NOTHING like my sister in law Kari, my mother in law, or my friend Beth that amazes me with every one of her blog posts. But I thought what the heck - I can use a hot glue gun (which in turn gave me some burns) and so I made this to match our blue, white, and silver Christmas tree.

Other than that, that is about it going on around here. I really am loving all this family time and the fact I am feeling more adjusted here. I try to make everywhere we go a home for us and I think I have finally accomplished that here 4 months in.

Now that we have found a church, I have a couple friends, kids are doing great in school and sports, the only thing negative I can say is...

I so dislike living in a desert.

It is dirty and sandy. The dust storms are frequent and leave you with dirt in your mouth and eyes and on the windowsills daily. (Until I eventually got some heavy duty tape and literally taped up the windows edges!) For this reason, this OCD cleaner dusts and vacuums every.single.day. The car NEVER needs washing (the two times it has gotten washed- it looks worse because I learned sand sticks to a wet car). For this reason I have re-thought my dream to ever live near the beach!

Anyways, we are excited to go into Christmas as a COMPLETE FAMILY - Santa, Mrs. Clause and the elves are all together in the same country for the 2011 holiday season! We are having both sides of the family come visit and we are even going snow skiing in New Mexico for the first time! Lets hope we all come home in one piece and have a blast!

Here's to all the things I have to be thankful for this season: family, health, friends, all the men/boys in my life.

I am so so blessed.

Hope you are enjoying your holidays!

Update

2011-10-25T19:58:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so I had a few of you say I hadn't blogged in a while and just like the title this is not going to be exciting. We are turning into this boring family with not much excitement going on - (not that I am asking for it however!) Since we have moved here to Fort Bliss, my "bliss" has come from just spending time with all the boys (hubby included- yeah!). And I am trying to become comfortable in this. You see - for me it has been the whirlwind of an adult life so far- lets see..., date, engage, marry, have baby, have another baby, move states, have baby, move states, have baby, have brain surgery, move states....so now that I haven't had anything causing me to stress, or be constantly busy like a newborn or a move, I kinda don't know what to do with myself. I've resorted to a chair to be honest - I do try to change it up- some days I watch television from the left side of the couch and sometimes the right. (that was Jason's joke) - Okay, it's not that bad, but I do seem to be sitting in the quiet house A LOT. And just as I start getting antsy and try to find something to do, I realize these are the times I need. Maybe the Lord knows this needed to be a season of chilling and relaxing with as busy as life has been. I LOVE how small our home is and love the quiet area we are in and I LOVE the fact that though we have only been here 3 months I feel at home here- comfortable and content.
In my last post I said there was a ton to do here, but you can pretty much do it all in a weekend, so I might have to take that statement back. Without the boys in sports yet, being busy in school, and us not settling into a church (we are still searching for where God wants us), I feel bored and useless some days - but I do hold on to the fact that God will use me somehow in this quiet "season" and I will find my place here - even if it is only to be a present and available mother and wife - which is what I am called to do first and foremost.

However, we have had some exciting weekends with fun activities and visitors coming! The Allmans came last weekend and I was so excited to see some familiar faces! We took them around El Paso and had lots of fun!

I am also looking forward to the holidays as we already have lots of plans made - so I know my boredom/stillness won't last long!

Here are some very random pictures of us...lots of hiking, an airshow, and plain silliness from the boys:

Hiking with Daddy

Hiking with Mommy

Ice cream outside

Banner being silly

Scaring Mommy to death

A tank at Heuco Tanks Park

Top of the bolder

My boys

My new haircut- after all day in the sun so not looking so hot- but SO much easier!

At the Amigo airshow

Future rock climbers

Cute climbers

Puppy and thumb- habits that need to be broken

Saturday morning cartoons

View from the Franklin Mountains of El Paso

My little explorers

Clark made a lego Thor hammer

Hola!!

2011-08-25T17:17:00.002-05:00

Saludos desde El Paso ... lo siento que haya tomado tanto tiempo llegar a este blog, pero hemos estado muy ocupados recibiendo encuentra aquí, en nuestro nuevo hogar.

Haha, I haven't been here that long to learn that much Spanish!

Sorry it has taken me so long to blog but I now feel totally done with our rent house and we now have Internet up and running! Ahhhhhh, I can finally take a deep breath after 2-3 weeks of transition. We are taking in the city and so far have liked it a lot! There is so much to do around here and the scenery is really beautiful. Fort Bliss is so nice and Jason is going to enjoy being only 15 minutes away from work (compared to the 45 at Hood). We plan on staying in this rent house till our name comes up on the waiting list on Bliss and then we will have a brand new house in the officers neighborhood which would put us even closer to Jason's airfield.

So far I have made a good and bad list of El Paso. I am thankful we are here safely as a complete family with all our belongings and only 9 hours away (a days driving distance) from our families. We will miss central Texas a lot but so far we see so much potential here in El Paso! So here is the list and a ton of pictures of what we have done so far!.

The GOOD:

We are a family all together all in one place!
The people here could not be nicer. We have noticed the younger generation are so friendly and helpful.
Though we lost 1000 square feet, the house (a one story!) fits us perfectly. Since I am the complete opposite of a pack rat, I don't feel crammed in the 3 bedroom home at all! Everything has it's place and with all my touches it feels like our home even if temporary. We live behind a practice football field and track which gives us something to go do lots of evenings - lots of exercise!
The kids started school while we were staying in the hotel waiting for our belongings, and the transition went so well. Parker in 2nd grade, Banner in 1st, and West in Kindergarten are doing so well in their new year round school! They like their teachers and so far have enjoyed school. Since we live directly behind the side of the school (about 1/2 mile) , I walk them to school, and walk them home - something I wasn't too happy about, but now am enjoying.
The shopping here is great! Lots of stores, malls, movie theaters and restaurants! Also TONS to do...so far we have been to a minor league Diablos game, drove to New Mexico to experience White Sands, gone to the awesome El Paso zoo, toured a couple museums, been to a wonderful outlet mall, seen some movies, and drove through beautiful mountains. We still plan on doing more each weekend and seeing more of El Paso and the surrounding areas and attractions.

THE BAD: (but livable!)

The "swamp coolers". So far we have been adjusting to our home being quite warmer than we were used to. Here they have the the evaporative air conditioners on the roofs and to be honest they do not work as well as central air. However, it is not bad if you don't do much housework and basically just sit around (which is what I am doing a lot of now ) and also we have been told August is the worst month for the humidity and heat, so just a little bit longer to be a tad uncomfortable.
The dirt. I had forgotten that we are basically in a desert here, so green grass does not grow much - keeping the dirt and sand in its place (out of my house!). But, since we are located in the Chihuahuan Desert, the sand is everywhere, basically making me cringe when I take my shoes off in the house and having my vacuum and broom work overtime. I do wish I had a beautiful ocean to gaze out into with all this sand but the mountains are just as pretty to view.
The change of population. Coming from Jarrell, who's population was maybe 1,500, to here where it reaches over half a million has been overwhelming for me. There are wal-marts at every corner, stores are busy, lines are long, and traffic can make it hard to maneuver sometimes. However with out all these people, I would not have a Supertarget, Hobby lobby, Jc pennys, Michaels, Khols, Olive garden, or a Red lobster down the street!

Here are some pictures of our first couple weeks so far here in the border-land..

Moving Day in Jarrell

Boys first day of school with their uniforms on.

View from our backyard and the walk to school. My hard working husband (quite the wood worker) built a ladder so jumping our stone fence is easier.

The only "alive" thing growing in our backyard...(and I'm not even sure it is alive)

The boys playing in the field behind our house.

At a Diablos game.

At the El Paso zoo - one of the best we have been to!

The Fort Bliss museum with all the tanks and aircraft.

Having ice cream from the ice cream truck that makes rounds everyday on our street.

A google map look at our house. Not our truck but Jason did finally get his Jeep wrangler he wanted before he starts work!

White Sands, New Mexico Missile Range.

White Sands National Park. Here we went sand sledding down the beautiful white sand.

Clark's 3rd birthday complete with a new Mickey Mouse movie that has now been watched everyday I believe. And I guess shirts are not required for family only birthday parties!

The view from I-10 into Mexico- quite pretty at night with all the lights.

The view from Fort Bliss of the Franklin Mountains.

Well, adiós for now!

Here We Go!

2011-08-01T06:24:00.000-05:00

Might be a while before I get a new blog up (however, I am not too quick at doing them anyway) as we are officially moving this week to Fort Bliss (I hope the name keeps true to the place)! Until I get my computer unpacked and my house in order I won't be blogging again. I have NOT seen the home we rented - just pictures on-line, and it is quite smaller than what we are in now, and in a city I have only driven through once. Let me tell you I am nervous AND excited. I don't mind change at all, in fact I kind of like it, and though this is a hard move leaving all our extended family behind in central Texas, at least the 6 of us "Army of Allmans" are doing it together as a family! Jason and I sure are teaching these boys to be resilient as they will attend a new school this year. We will also be looking for a good church to meet others at and will be getting to know El Paso and Fort Bliss quickly. I will be excited to tell you how I find it in our new city and how I can make the best of it. I am also anticipating how the Lord will use us there. I keep telling myself EVERY TIME we move, we ALWAYS look back and see WHY we were sent there...and this will just be another chapter in our story and one day we will look back and realize why El Paso was on our Lords (and Army's) do list for us. I have to say how blessed I feel getting to take these adventures! Until next time!

New Things

2011-07-12T18:32:00.005-05:00

New things are a comin'

So, I have been busy- almost too busy to sit down and type up a blog. Mostly because Jason and I and the kids are trying to fit a missed year together in a span of weeks. So happy we have gotten to be a family and a couple again!

I have gotten to do some new and exciting things while also having lazy days lounging around the house. We've had a few weekend trips, eatten at lots of restaurants, watched plenty of movies, read new books, done some boating and swimming, had date nights (yeah!), and visited lots of family and friends.

However, it is tainted somewhat with our impending move to Fort Bliss at the end of the month. I am sad and emotional as I am leaving our church, friends, babysitters, HEB- (my favorite grocery store!) and mostly our extended families. Our house is still for sale, and as the month comes to an end my prayers and more frequent that we can get the thing sold so we can leave out of here with no strings attached. Our movers come in 2 short weeks and until then we will continue to have fun in central Texas while we can!

Just wanted to say hi out there to my friends that read this...and post a couple videos saying "don't mess with this wife and mom - I might zip line in and grab my gun!

Our Family Is...

2011-06-20T13:28:00.000-05:00

COMPLETE
com·plete [kuhm-pleet]

adj. com·plet·er, com·plet·est

1. Having all necessary or normal parts, components, or steps; entire

Here are some photos of our BIG/FUN/ANXIOUS/EXCITING/ABOUT-TIME DAY at the welcome home ceremony. After incomplete birthday party's, Christmas, anniversaries, holidays, first days of school, baseball games, football games, and everything in between, we are finally COMPLETE -- all 6 of us under one roof!!

Welcome home signs

New red dress

Remember me?

A kiss from my soldier

Another one to make sure he's real

A mother has her son back

Brotherly love

Pooped from all the excitement!

Looking up to our superhero

Father and son

All 6 of us!

The in-laws

The whole welcome home clan

Patriotic in our reds and blues

Who's happy to be home??

Thank you to those who prayed, supported, sent gifts and letters, called, babysat, and loved on our family this past year. The Lord answered those prayers and Jason is now home safe and sound and in our arms!

And now we are on to another adventure....here we come Fort Bliss/El Paso!

I'm Calling It....

2011-06-04T21:31:00.001-05:00

THAT JUNE WILL BE THE BEST MONTH THIS ENTIRE YEAR!

Let me explain...

Reason#1 - This man will be home in just about 2 weeks...making me the HAPPIEST girl in the world! Can NOT wait to get my arms around him!

Reason #2 - The 9th anniversary of this day is celebrated on the first of this month (but will be technically celebrated on the 24-26 with a weekend alone with reason #1)

Reason #3 - What I get to do all day with my sweet and very fun boys. No more school, buses, homework, or early bedtimes! So far we have swam, been to a baseball game, hung out with family, gone to the park, watched movies, went bowling, and had some lazy days at home. (Okay, those are more for me so I can try and break my record of staying in my robe and slippers through lunch!)

Reason #4 - My best friend Sara will be welcoming a little boy into the world, Bennett! And for Sara's sake, this was the picture on my bird calendar when I flipped to June yesterday- my FAVORITE bird the Scarlet Tanager. (yes I am a nerd and love ornithology!)

Sara- this is an obvious sign that June is going to ROCK for us both!

Pledge and Pictures

2011-05-17T15:12:00.001-05:00

This is the second post I have basically copied and pasted, but I had to get this out there for any of you moms to read. A friend of mine gave me this pledge, and most days I read it while waiting on my coffee to brew. (I can tell the days I don't read it and remind myself of what is important)

The Mom Pledge

I am blessed beyond belief

I am beautiful beyond compare

I have the greatest career on earth

and will perform it

to the best of my God-given ability,

with gratitude, not grumbling;

with determination, not defeat.

I will rise to every challenge.

I will overcome every obstacle.

I will be productive and positive

with every moment

and minute I am given.

My words will bless;

My actions will build;

My thoughts will empower;

And my life, my family, and my home will be

abundantly blessed as a result.

I am strong enough,

smart enough, and creative enough

to squeeze every bit of juice out of this ripe delicious day.

Also wanted to reprint the little statement I said at my grandfathers funeral last week. My mom's father passed away on mothers day and though it was a very sad, hard day, I tell you what, as Christians it can be a celebration because we know where our loved ones are headed- HOME!

I am also posting some really old, and really cool pictures of my grandfatehr- I just love looking at them! Makes me want to live back in his time when it was simpler. I also realized my love for Army soldiers must run in my blood!

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." 1 John 4:7
I have been lucky enough to be my grandfathers (Poppas) first grandchild. For 30 years I have felt complete love and support from him. He always told me exactly what I needed to hear and if you knew him you know he didn’t usually hold anything back. He often wisecracked that I had picked the wrong college major, married too young or had too many children. But Poppas love and adoration was always the undertone to his words. I could do no wrong in his eyes. This is the kind of love I imagine our savior having for each and every one of us and I thank my grandfather for showing me that unconditional love.

Things NOT to Say

2011-05-05T20:00:00.001-05:00

I have seen an article "10 Thing Not to Say to a Spouse of a Deployed Soldier" floating around Facebook and related so well to it. When another army wife re-worded the article and put her spin on it I had to finally put this on my blog...so here we go! Thank you Liz Even for capturing the few things that have been said to so many of us military wives with deployed husbands. I never wanted this blog to be all about miltary stuff or political things, but this is just too good to pass up posting..most likely because I have had ALL these said to me and can put me in a very fowl mood!

1."Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds —but thanks, you just brought it back to the front.

2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.

3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf?

4. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored.

5. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they volunteer again and again to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.

6. "The next deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
We do learn coping skills. We figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before.

7. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
This one is similar to number three . Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. With a 6-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, and he flew comfortably on a commercial plane. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment.

8. "Wow you must miss him?"
This one also gets antoher big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.

9. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there."
Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.

10. "OH, that's horrible…I'm so sorry!"
He's doing his job and he's awesome. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.

CW2 Allman

2011-04-22T10:36:00.003-05:00

I was kind of at a loss of what to blog about lately until I got a very special call from my husband yesterday and I couldn't wait to spread the news.

There have been several occasions that Jason has called with news that affected our lives in a big way (such as we are moving to KY, we are moving to AL, I got into flight school, we are moving to TX, I am deploying in July.) Needless to say I was a little nervous when I got a message from him telling me to skype him about something important but "kind of cool".

My mind first went to the best scenario I could think of (He's coming home early!) But I would define that a little better than "cool" so I knew it had to be something different.

I was so glad to find out it was something he completely deserved and didn't change a thing for our lives but just proved how committed he is to being a soldier.

Well let my beaming self tell you what I found out!

Jason was awarded the Air Medal, a military decoration awarded for meritorious achievement while participating in aerial flight!

AND it doesn't stop there (and this most special part) He also got the Valor device for acts of heroism!

He got to fly (himself) to Bagram Airfield to be awarded the Air Medal w/ Valor by the Army Chief of Staff GEN Dempsey. I had no idea who this was but from what Jason tells me he is a 4 Star general and the highest ranking person in the Army. (I'm thinking this guy is pretty important.)

I have said it before but my Jason is awesome. Simply awesome. He has always gone above and beyond his role as a daddy, husband, and breadwinner.

I got the explanation of the mission (illustrated on a napkin) that he was involved in to deserve this award at a quiet breakfast in a cafe together back when he was on r&r. Back then and now I am amazed at how strong and courageous he is day in and day out.

I just wanted to brag on my special guy and all he has accomplished overseas - other than staying alive! Here are a few pictures of the day and hopefully the professional ones will be posted soon too.

This is the medal he was awarded (with the Valor device) and the ribbon he will wear... (if I can ever get his class A's on him just to admire the handsome husband I landed!)

Waiting on the ceremony to start

Awaiting the arrival of GEN Dempsey

Being awarded the Air Medal w/ Valor by GEN Dempsey

Him and the pilot he flew with on the mission

Jason- you amaze me with your bravery and your desire to make this world safer for our children and their children. Though this was such a wonderful honor - I was not surprised at all by it. You have lived a life committed to your Lord, your family and country; And for that I am the luckiest wife in the world.

However, since I know what it takes to get one of these medals, can we just stop here?? No More Please! Lets just get home safe.

Love List

2011-03-15T10:35:00.024-05:00

I had several ideas for blog posts but I thought I could group them all together as they all have something in common….a love for something new…

Here are the 5 things I have grown to love over the past 8 months being husband-less.

#1 Quiet, Peace, Rest.
If you know me you know I am always on the go, cleaning this or that, stocking up on items, or running several errands in different directions. I am NOT a procrastinator which is a good thing, but underneath can also be a negative. (Especially when you are keeping up my pace without a spouses help.) Last December I decided I was going to have a new year’s resolution and keep it. Not my usual to exercise more, but it was to just RELAX, AND not feel guilty about it. The day I made that decision to pick one day a week I focus on myself and do whatever I want to do…nap, watch a movie, do a bible study, sit in starbucks, go to lunch by myself or with a friend, read a book, get a massage, or get my nails done. I knew I had to be careful because at home living with 4 boys there is always some clothing to wash, toys to straighten, bathrooms to wipe down, or floors to sweep. I knew if I saw those things I would do that chore immediately. So what I prayed was that I could literally not notice those things that (in my book) HAD to be done. Thanks to mothers day out and school I can do this.
I now take deep breaths, I sit outside and enjoy the breeze and sunlight, I dive into a book, I take a nap, and I literally put myself first for a single day of the week. For the first month or so I felt really guilty about this, (especially when my husband has no comforts around him). But the day I decided to give up on my resolution, I read this:

To be an imitator of God requires that we come to terms with the value of quietness, slowing down,
Coming apart from the noise and speed of today's pace (of life). Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10

Then I took another deep breath. The laundry can wait, those dust bunnies can gather, the crumbs can multiply and I can handle those tasks tomorrow and focus on myself this day. I should not feel guilty because what kind of wife and mom is exhausted, nervous, and anxious all the time? - Not a good one. I know my decision is totally helping me through this deployment and to pray more and be able to listen and hear His voice. This also allows me to be a more gentle and patient mom when the boys come in the door.

So I can say I have kept my new year’s resolution and only hope I can continue it and wish I would have started this years ago. The peace I have from a day of quietness and rejuvenation has help more than I ever thought it would. I am in love with STILLNESS.

#2 Movies. (This is a great one for my husband!)
No wonder I never got the appeal till I slowed down. Most movies I sit through I am thinking of all I need to do…waiting till the end so I can check off my to-do list. Since #1 came into place I am able to sit and watch them- taken into a world where I don’t have to worry about Jason in dangerous situations or be contemplating what to make for dinner. It is just so fun now! Poor Jason who took every movie we own with him is going to have to sit through almost all of them again so I can see and appreciate them…and yes that means the Harry Potters, Narnias, and even the Lord of the Rings movies. I have been renting some movies I would not normally and can I say those cop/CIA movies are really fun sometimes! (On a side note, I will say I have watched 2 movies several times and are now deeming them my favorites of all time: Iron Man, and PS I Love you.) Jason- you movie lover, now has a partner to see every movie with!

#3 My boys.
Now don't get me wrong, I have loved these little stinkers since the moment they were conceived but as they get older and more mature my relationship with them is changing producing more/new love. One day I am changing Parker's diaper, the next I am discussing solar power with him - they are growing up too fast! During this deployment I have attached myself even more to these little men…they have been my helpers at home, my snugglers on the couch, my laughing and joking partners, and my companions 99% of the time…I call them my “little husbands”. The best days have been when we are stuck in the house and play games, watch shows and movies, or just hang like only a family can. I have loved having real conversations with them…about our Savior, their brave daddy, school, sports, and my favorite - “what they want to be when they grow up”. At this point, knowing what I know, I sure do wish I could choose their career for them (and even their wives!) So for fun here is a little wish list for my sweet boys … All of them to be Disciples of Christ and share Him by different means…

Parker- My little smart cookie. At 7 years old I SWEAR he is smarter than any boy should be! He loves space and dinosaurs and anything to do with science which excites this Biology major! If I had to put money on it, I would say he will be my college graduate one day and teach others about an aspect of our world.

Banner- My rambunctious and rebellious (almost) 6 year old. He stumbles a little in school, and has been told to me he is the class clown. BUT can be as sweet as honey when he wants to be. B (what I call him) has been taking drum lessons for months now and I want to believe he got mine, my moms, and my grandmother’s love of music and hope it will take him far. My wish? - A drummer for a Christian rock band…something like Third Day, Sanctus Real, or Swithchfoot!

West- Oh, my little West. He will be 5 in a couple weeks and WHEN that kid grows into his body I am hoping he will be my little athlete. As clumsy as EVER now, I want to believe the long legs, skinny frame, and red hair will do him good in any sport he will play (I’m hoping baseball). I can just see him giving his testimony for IAMSECOND after throwing a perfect game (and yes! I do know what that is) - refer to #4

(I just love this photo - a guy with red hair, playing for the astros- won't that make his daddy proud!)

Clark - He’s in that stubborn 2 year old stage and while it is too early to see where his passions lie, I would like to see one of my boys follow their daddy’s footsteps and be in the military. Now, I would really like to believe we won’t have any soldiers deployed or in dangers way in 20 years, but we will still need some pilots or even chaplains in the Army won’t we?

#4. My fourth new love? Baseball. Kind of.
The Lord gave me 4 boys for a reason and I married a man that played and loves the game. I can fight it as the lone woman in the house and demand that the boys don’t waste the time with sports, OR I accept and embrace it. I decided to ask for the desire to enjoy sports, have the boys participate when they want to, and try to realize all the good playing team sports does. Right now I have 2 teams going…which means 6 practices a week. We are about to start games in a few weeks and so far I am loving every minute of it! I keep praying for strength to keep up the enthusiasm. I even got a book “Complete Idiots Guide to Everything Baseball” to help me along the way. I may not know all the rich history, famous players, stats and teams, but at this point I know the basics that will allow me not to embarrass myself in the stands. So, armed with a camera I am out to capture as much as I can so Jason can feel present somewhat and I can scrapbook away all the great photos of the boys beginning stages of the love of baseball.

#5. My fifth love? (You will think I am crazy.)Is this deployment.
I would support any politician that decided to draft every husband for about 8 months to a foreign land every 10 years or so. You heard me right… I know there would be a lot LESS divorce in our country. Why? Because, you realize what you have when they are gone. You can see now how much they helped, supported, and loved while physically here. When Jason and I get to talk we really TALK. We fill our conversations with important and essential matters. We LISTEN well to each other…something that is lacking in normal day-to-day lives. We also PRAY earnestly for each other. We have even adopted a weekly prayer time free from distractions where we each pray over the phone together. My favorite part of the week is hearing my husband pray for me, our children and our future.
I don’t believe anyone would understand unless you have gone through this but I believe being apart can almost be beneficial for a relationship. I can not put it into words how much this deployment has taught me about myself, my husband, and my children. Jason- you are brave, you are strong, you are a Godly man in a place that isn’t welcoming of that, you speak to me with kind understanding words, you support me from miles away, and you can make a girl feel so loved without even being physically here.

It all boils down to the fact that we can always learn more about ourselves and each other and I have learned so much in the past 8 months. Every night I put my head down on my pillow thankful, blessed, and loved.

8 1/2 MONTHS DOWN, 3 1/2 TO GO TILL I AM COMPLETE!

A Prayer for 2012

2011-02-01T16:05:00.062-06:00

Dear Heavenly Father, you have blessed me so so much. Thank you. However can I remind you of all that has gone on in the last 10 years. I feel like Jason (aka- man of my dreams) and I need a year-long "vacation" from changes if you don't mind me suggesting. Here is a quick year-by-year reminder of the roads we have taken.

Year 2000 - I met this guy Jason, a Christian wrestler who won my heart, while in a ring.

2001 - Jason asked me THE question and gave me a ring.

2002 - We said "I Do" in front of you. Our first year of marriage was amazing but amazingly hard as we were not used to so many changes so quickly.

2003 - Included a college degree, and the birth of our first son Parker. We learned that year how deep love can run.

2004 - Our little family said our first goodbye to daddy as Jason went off to attend the Army's basic training course and then firefighting training.

2005 - You gave us another blessing in the form of our Banner-boy. We also had our first Army move to Kentucky, leaving our family and friends in Texas.

2006 - Held yet another baby boy all of 9+ pounds and red hair. You gave us West. While the other two grew.

2007 - Jason's acceptance to warrant officer school and flight school had us another Army move to Alabama. Even with a big move, this was a calmer year. (Excluding the fact I had three boys under the age of four keeping me busy!)

2008 - A dark cloud year with a silver lining. Whatever calm we had in 2007, it was made up for in 2008. A year that held our fourth son, Clark, being born and all my medical scares that got me too close to death.

2009 - Was about all recovery and finishing. Jason finished up flight school and I recovered physically and wrote a book, and the kids grew bigger.

2010 - Started fresh with a move to Texas, buying our first house, and then Jason deploying to Afghanistan mid-year.

2011 - It is now the present, and I am looking into this year excited to have Jason come home this summer, but having mixed emotions about our impending move to El Paso in the fall.

2012 - Now, Can we talk about 2012? I know you tell us in Jeremiah that you have plans to prosper us and not harm us, but don't you think our family needs a year off? A year to re-group, to be a whole family of six, to not pull up or put down roots, to not have any more hospital visits (whether that be sickness or children), to have Sunday afternoons together, date nights, quiet conversations, family devotions, movie nights, big dinners, laughter, and a simple, relaxing, easy enjoyable year. I know your plans are perfect, I am just suggesting!

Don't get me wrong, I have loved every twist and turn and the unexpected things that came our way, and I have taken them and learned from them. I also tried not to dig in my heels and fight the ride we are on.

For the most part I believe most of these decisions were brought to your attention first and were bathed in prayer. Because of that you led us down roads that have enriched our lives so much.

I also completely trust you that in the end if given a choice I will have wanted to do it all over again the exact same way.

P.S. Also remember Jason deploys again for a year in 2013, so if we don't have a down year to relax and enjoy what you have given us I might be seeing you very soon, (simply from exhaustion!)

Your daughter, Lanessa

Unbalanced

2010-12-20T20:32:00.010-06:00

Today I am sitting here planning my day along with the next two weeks with the boys out of school. We are going to fit in big breakfasts, Christmas crafts, a birthday party for Jesus, Christmas movies, a few sleepovers, cookie decorating, driving around looking at lights, church, a Christmas Eve service, spending time with family, and of course lots of playtime filled with Lego's, crayons, toys, puzzles and costumes.

Anyways, then this morning after doing my quiet time it hits me. I figured it out….I know the word.

Let me explain, about once a week someone I see, or get a message from asks how it is going with Jason gone. I appreciate all the concern but I NEVER know how to answer. I hate to flat out lie and say “GOOD” because it is just NOT GOOD with Jason gone. Especially in the holiday season when I am more emotional and sentimental - it basically SUCKS.

Yes, that day that someone asked me how things were might have been good, but it is never quite enjoyable to the fullest. But then again, it is not necessarily horribly BAD either. Yeah, it stinks, but I know it is making us each and our marriage that much stronger, and that fact alone keeps me going. Plus I am pretty proud of his decision to join the military, learn to fly helicopters and defend our freedom…and we have both accepted that deployments comes along with the territory.

I have been blessed that these first five months that the Lord has kept Jason safe and me and the boys from anything too traumatic happening. He also blessed us with an amazing r&r that hopefully can last us the next 7 months.

Today I realized how to describe Jason being gone when someone asked - in one word.
---UNBALANCED
My life at this moment is unbalanced - without Jason to even me and our home out.

Now that he is away, my eyes are completely open as to why the Lord put us together- we completly balance each other out.

MY JOB AS A PARENT IS UNBALANCED
The hardest thing I am dealing with is being a mom (and dad) to these 4 boys. And it takes Jason going away for me to realize how mush more balanced parenting is with us both physically here. I am on the more strict/stern side than Jason. There are days I go to bed knowing I was being too picky and demanding of the boys that day and got on to them more than I would have liked. It has been hard juggling all 4 and taking this year to raise Parker into a smart, loving big brother; Banner into a listening, minding little 5 year old; West into a brave and friendly preschooler; and Clark from a transitioning hard-headed two year old.

Being the only one to discipline there is a fine line I sometimes feel like I am on the verge of, and that is resentment. I don’t want them to resent me for always being the disciplinarian-or the "mean" one. I sometimes try to take a whole day to just focus on them, letting my guard down - not worrying about cooking, cleaning, or other duties of a homemaker, just letting them be the little boys they are...along with yelling, wrestling, mess making, and fighting (like Jason would let them do).

When he is here, Jason grounds me in our raising of these boys and helps me to know when to just let them be themselves - realizing when their actions are just there age, or when they cross the line and needs discipline.

MY JOB AS A HOUSEWIFE IS UNBALANCED
Then you have my job…the housewife’s job to cook, clean, and organize the family’s activities. And if you know me - my somewhat OCD self, I can go overboard with that. There have been plenty of times Jason will say “Laness, come sit down right now with me and forget about (enter a random chore here)…you can do that tomorrow! I now wish I would have listened to him more. So without him here telling me to chill out on all the obsessive cleaning, preparing, and cooking I do, I find myself off-balanced in all the mindless housework I do. (And it is not like I keep it so clean for the load of guests, the only ones that have been inside my house are friends that could care less if there was a smear on the mirror in the bathroom.)
I know I take out my stress and anxiety in cleaning and organizing which results in a very clean house. But at this I would trade in that perfection to have him here to just tell me to chill out and sit down.

MY JOB AS A WIFE IS UNBALANCED
I also feel off-kilter because my duties as a wife have been stripped from me and replaced with other (not-as-fun) things. For Exapmple, instead of sharing what the boys and I did all day, I am sending him tons of pictures and videos,sometimes feeling guilty for the fun we might have had without him. Instead of cooking big elaborate meals, I am sending him packages of chips and beef jerky while making pb&j‘s for dinner. Instead of welcoming him home with a smile after he gets off work, I am (sometimes) video chatting with him when I first wake up. Instead of wrapping my arms around him and telling him how proud I am of him and that I love him, I am having to type it all to a hotmail address.

We are almost to the halfway point of this separation! And what I have learned is I believe that when we met God had a plan for Jason and I. When the Bible tells us in Genesis that God created Eve as a helpmate to Adam, I believe Jason was created for a helpmate to me (and I to him). While we are apart I do feel unbalanced in this role I have been blessed with, but know this is allowing me to rely on the Lord and others and to also open my eyes to all Jason is to me- a helpmate for life!

The BEST days....

2010-11-30T19:51:00.024-06:00

of the year were the last two weeks for me! Wanna know why? My sweet husband was home! After 4 months away in Afghanistan I was SO excited to have him back!! We were expecting 14 days of r&r, but instead were given 17 days!

I would say it was pure bliss having that man home.

Me and the boys (minus Clark) went to Dallas to pick him up from the airport on Veterans day of all days and found a huge crowd of people waiting to welcome home the r&r troops home. The USO fed us lunch, gave the boys toys to play with and helped me find exactly where to go to watch him walk in the doors. While we waited, Parker got interviewed by a radio and TV station (I am guessing because I had all the boys dressed the same- and gosh they are cute!)...people asked us so many questions and just loved on us the hours we waited.

One by one a soldier would come out of the customs room until my soldier came and you can tell by my face I was an excited girl!

After long embraces we went home. He was pretty tired after 4 days of traveling and I was tired from all the not sleeping from the excitement!

I wish I had kept a journal of everything we did...but it boiled down to sleeping, eating, and spending lots of time with family...

2 Thanksgiving dinners

Him speaking at an assembly at the boys new elementary school and presenting a flag he had flown on his Blackhawk.

Getting our Christmas tree

Flying Kites

Oh, and get matching tattoos (symbolizing Christ has always been and will be the center of our marriage)

We played games, Christmas shopped, went to the movies, hung out with siblings and moms and dads, played Wii, ran errands, went to dinner with friends, took and picked up kids from school, napped, ate, watched television, went to baseball games, went to church, went to practices, went to football games, and talked...all TOGETHER.

And those 17 days.....went WAY too fast. It's almost like the Army kinda teases us with these 2 weeks to remind us wives just how awesome our husbands are. And I could go on for days telling you just how awesome he is, but I will save that for my next post.

I had heard it is a lot harder to see them go after R&R and I would have to agree 100%. It is almost like you have this 2 week honeymoon and then (in our situation) you have to wait even longer than the first time to see them again. Me and the kids are doing okay...I take that first few days and keep busy and try not to think about things and how much they really do SUCK. But I would say, for me, the distance really makes you realize how much you want and need your spouse close to you and makes me appreciate him so much more when he is home.

For now he is traveling back to his home away from home. He will be gone for 7 more months and then he will be home for good!! And then you will have a VERY VERY VERY VERY happy girl.

My Idea of Home

2010-11-03T06:14:00.013-05:00

Us Army families must learn to love change. And while I usually have said that I was made for this lifestyle because I don't have a hard time with that, the 18 months we will have in central Texas will be too short.

Jason and I are mentally preparing to move yet again next year...this time his unit taking us to Fort Bliss in El Paso, still Texans but changes none the less. At first I pretended this was just not going to happen but after a call from Jay last week I have to accept it truly will. I have prayed, thought, planned, researched and prayed some more about it. Jason feels on the guilty side having a job that uproots these 6 people to a whole new place every couple years. I decided to put it down on paper how I really felt....something I like doing (hence the book) - as it is very therapeutic for me.

YES, I do LOVE this home
YES, I do LOVE our church
YES, I do LOVE being around family
YES, I do LOVE the small community
YES, I do LOVE not being in a military town
YES, I do LOVE the new school and teachers
YES, I do LOVE Clark's mothers day out that he would go to next year
YES, I do LOVE our neighbors
YES, I do LOVE all the people I have met and built relationships with

YES, I am NOT happy about having to sell our first bought home

I basically love every aspect of where we are living right now...If i had a choice I would grow deep roots here in Jarrell.

BUT....when I really think about it...

All the places we have lived I have felt like it was "HOME"
All the places we have lived I have had good/great/best friends
All the houses we have lived in were sufficient for us
All the churches were perfect for my/our spiritual growth
All the places the boys found friends and adjusted well.

There isn't a place I look back on an HATE...(even the tiny 800 sq. foot, 80 year old apartment we had at Campbell) I think fondly on that home because that is where Banner learned to walk and talk and we decided to have just one more child.

SO I have to ask myself.....after this track record what would make Ft. Bliss any different?

Do I want to move? NO
But do we have to? YES
Will I trust that the Lord will provide and we will go west as a family? YES

I have to keep remembering God has given us much grace and blessings even though I don't deserve it. I have to remember all the perfect pregnancies I've had and healthy children. I have to remember all the financial blessings we have had. I can't forget the big blessing I received in 2008- my life back and complete healing. I have to remember Jason is being kept safe in a war zone.

SO, I will 100% support moving to Bliss...knowing it is all in God timing and will. It might be hard, but we can do it as an Allman clan leaning on the Lord. The saying is true for me "Home Is Where the Army Sends Us"....six homes, in 3 states in 8 years!

(I might need to look back on this post when I get discouraged about this move.)

Tick Me Off or Bring Him Home!

2010-10-20T20:36:00.007-05:00

Unusual title huh? Well let me tell you, it has been a long time since I updated the blog and I could give you every reason in the book….how about Parker…Banner…West…Clark (a 2 year old --eek!) throw in some baseball, football, drums, and a few tantrums and that pretty up sums the bulk of my days. I am not complaining at all, I love it. So here is an new blog for the 3 of you that read it…

I was going to post a boring post titled “3 Months down” on the 15th but I was a little detained riding in an ambulance. At this point me in a spinning class, zumba class or a walk through a Wal-Mart parking lot (remember THIS post?) don’t mix. In fact I usually end up on the floor and it was no different last Friday. Yes I was hydrated, yes I had eaten some, but when I came to (with my sweet friend Rhonda praying over me) I was confused, embarrassed, and mad that this had happened again along with the statement that I had had a seizure. I thought I was taking care of myself by getting rest, eating healthy food, staying on my blood thinner, and not stressing over the small things.

I went to the emergency room that day in an ambulance, had an MRI, a CAT scan and talks of getting a EEG. Everything checked out just fine but I needed to see my doctor who knows all my past brain problems.

Today I went to see her and she had it nailed down as to what is wrong with me by looking at the last 2 years of medical history. I have extremely low blood pressure. Which causes me to faint when I don’t get enough blood to my brain.

(No dad, I am not a fainting goat- but there are some funny videos of them on you tube!)

Doc sent me away with the instructions to eat more salty foods (ummm. okay!) and if I were to exercise keep my head up at all times and warm up and cook down completely. No more zumba or strenuous aerobics...(again, okay!) I do have to wear a blood pressure monitor for 24 hours and if the readings are still too low I will have to take a medicine to raise my blood pressure.

My remedy that I think would work best? Send the husband home! You know how it is ladies….you love them to death but man they can irritate you to the max (which would probably raise my blood pressure to dangerous levels!). I am guessing Jason could be home about 16 hours and I would already be feeling better! You think I could make a plea to the Army to let him come home for my health’s sake?

Or if that doesn’t work someone out there…could you just really tick me off? I know for some of you that wouldn’t be hard. Just criticize my devotion to author Karen Kingsbury, my adoration for Jason Castro and Nicole Nordeman, my need to keep a clean house, or my obsession to keep things organized. Come on, you can do it!

In all honesty, this answers a lot of questions as to what the brain damage they keep finding is effecting and also my need to sleep about 10 hours a night plus a nap during the day to get through. Hopefully if I could load up on some salted peanuts and get worked up sometimes I would be back to a energized mom.

And for my dad...a true video of fainting goats HERE...

And a scripture verse to help me through: "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26

Two Months Down!

2010-09-15T15:54:00.008-05:00

Today will be two months into this deployment, and praise God everyone is still sane! (well at least I think I am!) I wanted to give an update as to how we are all doing and let you in on the workings of this stateside army of Allman’s as well as my soldier far away.

Jason is working hard…sometimes 13 hour days. I do get to skype with him most days and see his handsome face. He is tired though, often flying close to 5 hours a day. Though he is appreciating the beautiful scenery there, I am not sure he is going to appreciate all the snow as today I just had the request for an electric blanket sent ASAP as the cold weather is coming upon them. I am sure he will be happy to get my recent packages of the blanket, chips ahoy cookies and last years season of smallville on DVD! I am trying to take good care of him from this side of the world. Hopefully more telephones, televisions, and computers will be available to his unit soon and he could watch some football on his few hours off!

I know that all the flying he is doing is giving him lots of experience, but I am guessing 5 hours in a Blackhawk a day is pretty draining especially having to control all these while doing missions, recons, and maintenance flights.

As far a me, I am staying busy to help pass the time. I am currently in two bible studies and trying to stay involved in our awesome church. I have had good days filled with laughs, games, and pillow fights. And to be honest, not-so-good days that were filled with sleepless nights or anxiety attacks when it seemed too hard and I did’t know if I can do another day. But I continue to have hope and faith that things will work out for good, and I know I grow through every hard situation. Thankfully I do have helping hands in forms of parents, in-laws, siblings, and friends that have such good hearts and give abundantly.

If you know me I LOVE routine, structure, and cleanliness…and I have am constantly being reminded that a 15 minute later bedtime, or a dish unwashed at the end of the day isn’t the end of the world. What is important is I am being a good mommy (and daddy) to these boys and continually grow them in Christ.

The 3 older boys…Parker, Banner, and West, are all in school which leaves the house pretty quiet during the week. They are loving it so far which makes it easier for me to pull them out of bed each morning. They come home with stories from the day opening their backpacks eager to show me their work. We have a family dinner together and play a while before homework, showering, devotional, prayers and bedtime. It is this reason - the business of our weekdays - I like to soak up the weekends at home and have the time to play with them. I am beginning to think I could be a Wii champion with all the frisbee and bowling I play!

Clark has just now started Mothers Day Out, and while he seems to like it very much, I think his mommy might like it more!! This gives me 5 hours, two days a week to do my shopping alone! I also know I can be a much better mommy is I take time to pamper myself so I plan on using these days alone for lunches out, mani-pedi’s, and sitting in Starbucks enjoying the quiet time while Clark is playing with his cousin Clayton in a two year old class that is filled with crayons, goldfish, songs, and toys!

The days I have Clark at home are fun also. He is insistent I sit and play with him, so I am also a fine Lego builder. He has moved to a big-boy bed and someday soon (when mommy feels up to it) will start potty training. He gets to talk to daddy often and just giggles and giggles at him on the computer screen and shows him all the new words he has learned.

I have the feeling also that I am about to transition to a new place of work -- my van! I have signed up the boys for flag football, which I am so excited about! This means a practice and game each week. Banner has also started taking drum lessons, a long-time desire of his. (If you have seen this boys dance, you know he has rhythm). Add in church, mothers day out, and family outings…I might as well put a TAXI sign on my van. (And I DO know that the miles on my car will only increase each year untill they can drive themselves!) One big blessing is the bus does pick them up and drop them off each day for school, whew!

NOW...ON TO WHAT I HAVE LEARNED IN THESE 2 MONTHS...

NOT TO TAKE ON TOO MUCH!!

Thanks to my community group to remind me of this…

This is me

I am only able to take on so much, and what I choose to fill each space has to be prioritized and decided upon. Women have to be careful of not short-circuiting ourselves with too much. I have a tendency to plug too much in, or maybe not plug the essential things in. I already have 4 boys to tend and care for, myself, and a husband (even though far away), bible studies, football, drums, church, and priorities to others in my extended family.

And I am tapped out.

Of course you know the main supply to all our power and energy is our Lord that I look to each day for the patience, kindness, and calmness. I need to be reminded to focus on what I have been given by Him--family, renewed health, an awesome husband, and four joyful boys. And I know I have an obligation to make those things a priority and take special care of what I have been given.

If this illustration doesn’t make sense, here is one from my good friend Jennifer.

This is my plate. And it is full. (and so therefore I cannot take on another obligation!) Hence stressing out myself and not enjoying my blessings.

I guess what it all boils down to is to care for the things I have been given and to pray about the oppertunities that do come along; whether they are just extra fillers to please people or the Lords desire for me to take on.

Here is a poem I love by Sandra Tolson

God sent me four packages
That needed special care
Take care of these tiny gifts
For they are very rare.

Watch over them with all your love
And let them feel your touch
Take care of their every need
For you are needed very much.

These gifts will grow up very fast
As you soon will see
Love them with all your heart
And let them be what they will be.

When these gifts have fully grown
Look at Heaven up above
Know they exist because of God
And all his precious love.

First Week

2010-08-24T04:49:00.016-05:00

Of course I had to blog about the boys first week of school, a monumental one at that since West started all day pre-K, Banner started Kindergarten and Parker acted like a pro starting 1st. All three were ready to head out the door on the bus and learn! Parker was the most excited as he has always like school, Banner was indifferent, while West was a little nervous.

And let me tell you about their school! A brand new state-of-the-art Elementary school for grades Pre-K to 4th just a mile away from our house. The rooms are so large, clean, and beautiful with a bathroom in each. (Which makes me really happy the boys don't have to go to the restroom with older kids). The doors were opened the first day of school and I was so excited for them. There is something special about a new building...everything fresh for a new school year down to new school supplies...new crayons, new markers, and freshly sharpened pencils.

And their teachers! I requested all three and got all three! West and Banner have the teachers the boys had last year, and Parker has a wonderful teacher from our church.

I have the bus come to the end of the driveway and pick them up and drop them off after school. I might start taking them in my car, but for now this is working out nicely since Clark is still sleeping when they leave for school.

To re-cap the first week, we had good and bad...

My little West and big boy Parker came home loving it even saying they wished they could go on Saturday and Sundays! I greeted them on that first day with cookies and milk so they would sit still and tell me ALL about it! On the 2nd day I woke West up and he was the most excited to get to go to school again. (he thought it was a one-day thing!)

The bad came when my outgoing and adventurous Banner paired up with some other boys from class to cause trouble and was sent home with a note saying he was not listening so well. After a phone call with the teacher I found out he was being "all boy" and making farting noises with his armpit! I had to sit him down and tell him how disappointed I was and "ground" him for a day. His uncle (since we could get in touch with Jason)had a talk with him over the phone to encourage him to try harder at listening to directions. Seems like it worked since he came home with smiley faces the last 2 days.

Clark and I ran lots of errands this week, (SO much easier with one!) I rested up when he napped, finished a book, worked out, and hung out with my sister-in-law, friends, and mom. Though I do miss them, it has been a lot quieter in the house which makes my "damaged" brain feel so much better! I am happy to say I have had NOT ONE headache all week!

I have prayed a lot about homeschooling in the past and whether I should in the future...and for now this is just too convenient and helpful for me to do school at home right now. Though I still would like to pull them each out of public school around 3rd grade, for now while they are so young I don't see the hurt in them going.

And when they got home, it is so much fun!! Looking through backpacks to see their artwork and homework, hearing about what they ate, what they learned, who they have met, and what games they played. The time with them after school is joyous and fun till lights out at 8pm!

Here are some pictures from their first day...I will say this mommy held it together until I saw the bus drive away the first day with my sweet, grown-up little boys!

Happy Brain Day #2!

2010-08-10T15:23:00.003-05:00

I don’t plan on blogging on this every year, but I wanted to reminisce on what happened this day two years ago and what the Lord did in my life. I NEVER want to forget that, so my good friend Jennifer said I should celebrate each year at this time (and who doesn’t like celebrations!) and have a “BRAIN” day. The day that my life could have been taken from me, or at least a lot of brain functions, but through our Lord’s miraculous healing hand I survived emergency brain surgery, blood clots, and my brain swelling to a pressure no one should come back from. Two years ago when Clark was born on that day exactly was when it started, but on the 10th of August was when it got very serious and the doctors started me on every antibiotic they could, and I was then moved to ICU. Since I don’t want to write another book….

(That being said, if you haven’t read “RESTORED” yet, you can order it from Amazon, or click on the link to the right.)

I want to re-post some of the most memorable blogs from 2008 about my sickness that shows the Lord work in my life….

Quite a long walk for me…and a great day to look back. The Lord has been forever faithful.

O LORD, you are my God;
I will exalt you and praise your name,
for in perfect faithfulness
you have done marvelous things,
things planned long ago.
Isaiah 25:1-9

WROTE SEPTEMBER 18, 2008
I’m Back!

Baby Clark

Well, I am so excited to be back in this computer chair...if you haven't read on my brother-in-laws blog, I have been thru the ringer! I had baby Clark in August and am just now getting home from the hospital...I had to have brain surgery after getting encephalitis, you can read his blog to hear the whole story.

But I am on the road to recovery...I can walk with a cane or a walker, but the big blessing is that I have no mental problems. AND that I didn't die...it is really weird to wake up in a hospital and be told..."you almost died on us and then you had brain surgery". I could barley hold my head up and standing was nearly impossible. NOW I am walking.

I have to go back this Wednesday to have another surgery to put back the skull bone they took out but the recovery time is only 1-2 days which makes me happy...I am SICK of being in a hospital after being in one for 6 weeks.

Thank you all who knew for the e-mails and the words of encouragement! Here are some pictures of me FINALLY getting to take care of Clark. PLEASE disregard the haircut...had to be done for the surgery :(

I'm adding the first post from my brothers blog...summarizes the story.

*From Chris's Blog*
If I have your phone number then you certainly know by now that my sweet sweet sister in law is sick.

Let me see if I can reset the entire situation for you:

On August 8, Lanessa gave birth to Clark Elliot Allman. Jay and Lanessa deviated from the middle name-monotony in the Allman family (Dennis Brian, Christopher Brian, Jason Brian, Parker Brian, Banner Brian, West Brian) to honor the memory of our "nephew" Elliot Skaggs. Elliot is the son of Brandon and Sara Skaggs.

Clark is their fourth child (all boys) so giving birth to Lanessa is pretty routine. She has more kids than I have had girlfriends in my life. (4 kids-1 girlfriend...not that I have a problem getting girls. I am actually quite a ladies man...I’m incredibly off topic right now.)

Anyway.

Not long after she gave birth she began experiencing high fever and some pretty intense headaches. As the week went on her fever kept, her headaches continued and she began to experience some disorientation. The symptoms got worse a couple of days later as she didn't know who Jason was on one day and on another tried to get up out of the bed and take out all of tubes because she didn't realize where she was or why she was in the hospital.

They began to treat her for encephalitis, though they weren't 100% sure that's what it was. On Friday the staff here at Flowers Hospital in Dothan decided to put Lanessa into the intensive care unit so they could monitor her and give her the proper care. She had a decent day on Saturday but Sunday was a bit of a down day.

Then on Monday night I got a phone call from my brother as I was sitting down to dinner with Eric Jackson in Plano. Lanessa had severe swelling in her brain and if it didn't go down they would have to remove a portion of her skull to relieve the pressure. If they didn't do that they were afraid that she might not make it through the night.

That was the absolute worst phone call I have ever gotten in my life.

My heart just wrenched on so many levels. Poor Lanessa. Poor Jason. Those poor boys.

I stood outside the Snuffers off Preston Road and needed some way to magically transport to Dothan, Alabama to be by my brother's side. I didn't know what to do. Should I just drive straight to the airport? Should I gas up the truck and drive through the night? I just wanted to be there to fix the situation.

I realized very quickly that there was nothing I could do right then but pray with my brother. We prayed on the phone and I just asked God for mercy. That was the only word that came to mind. I just asked the Lord to have mercy on my sister-in-law.

It was the most helpless spot I have ever been in in my entire life. And folks, if you ever tried to watch me play defense on the basketball court, that is saying something.

I raced home (stopping to pay the tolls along the way, mind you) and started looking for the first flight out. Unfortunately the first thing I could get was a Tuesday morning flight so once it was booked and I went out to my usual Monday night CWF Bible study to be around my boys and spend time in prayer.

It was the strangest drive of my life.

I was making the same drive that I make every Monday and its usually one that brings me great joy. But on this particular trip I was just praying that the phone wouldn't ring. I was afraid my brother was going to call me and tell me that my sister in law was gone. It's hard to even type this right now, thinking back to it.

This is where things started to happen that really surprised me. I had called Jerrod Wittman and asked that he and Kristi start praying. He assured me that they would and about five minutes later I got a call from Jeff Mangum, a long-time friend who I hadn't talked to in a long time.

I have known Jeff probably since I was 12 or 13 and have always counted him a man of God but I didn't expect to hear from him at that moment. It was an incredible gesture and I am assuming I have Jerrod to thank for making that call.

I'm gonna skip ahead a little - past Bible Study. My sister drove up from Austin with Becky and Carly Skaggs (you will notice the Skaggs are in this story a lot. They're kind of important to us Allmans) and she got to my apartment about 12:45 a.m.

I had just talked to my mom and she told me that they had decided to take Lanessa into surgery to relieve some of the pressure on her brain. If the swelling of your brain is on a number system during your everyday normal activities then it usually rests at a 0 or even a -2 or -3 if you are sedated. Or high. Or Brandon Skaggs.

Lanessa's number had jumped all the way up between 40-45 which is really a critical point. If they didn't do the surgery she would most likely die.

I was actually quite relieved that they had decided to do the surgery only because I am a human and I am a fan of action and not reaction. I didn't want them to wait and see if the swelling got worse. I wanted them to do the procedure and start the healing process. Actually I was ready to give her my brain at that point but I don't imagine Lanessa would want to be saddled with thoughts of Diet Pepsi and wrestling for the rest of her life so I opted against it.

The surgery was successful from the standpoint that it dropped her pressure numbers down into the twenties. I think 23 is the number that I saw when I arrived at the hospital on Tuesday at about 2:30.

The moment we got to the hospital I dropped my stuff in the room, kissed my new nephew Clark and went straight up to ICU.

I walked in that room totally unannounced and I think I startled my brother and the entire King family. What I saw completely startled me.

There was my beautiful sister in law with a monitor implanted in her head and under an array of bandages was a 4x4 inch hole in her skull that they had removed. I was stunned.

Since Lanessa had gotten sick, I had managed to keep it together emotionally. I had calmed my father, mother, brother and sister while they cried on the phone and tried to be a rock.

Now I as stood just a few feet from her I had to look down at the ground to keep from losing it.

When I was 14 my grandmother got sick with ovarian cancer and I remember my grandfather telling her that he wished he could switch places with her. I KNOW Jason felt that way at that moment but so did I. This beautiful, faithful, loving mother of four needed to be on her feet and with her husband and sons. The world of golf would certainly survive without me.

I stayed in the room for just a few minutes before I went back out in the hall to wait - and to compose myself. It was so surreal to see her like that. But it was also confirmed to me that this is the toughest woman I have ever known in my life. Being an Army wife, raising three sons while pregnant and doing it while my brother is gone for long periods of time made me respect her so much but this takes it to another level.

Now I grew up in church and I gave my whole heart and soul to Christ when I was 20. I know that none of us deserve good things that happen. I also know that God doesn't give us disease or hardship based on the levels our transgressions. I know that God is a God who has a plan and a way that He does things. They are often times a mystery but that’s okay - I don't need to know why.

In the last six days I have asked myself why this is happening to Lanessa. To Jason. To the boys. But the question is not asked out of anger or confusion. It's been more like "Okay Lord, what do you want us to learn from this. Why are you doing this? How can your glory be known through this?".

I might be getting sentimental but I believe my sister in law would gladly endure this again if she knew what God was doing through her suffering.

Jay and Lanessa have neighbors named Randy and Kacey and their sons Brody and Decker. On the Monday before Lanessa had Clark, their neighbor Kacey accepted Christ. I told Jay that I believed that watching Christians handle adversity would have a profound impact on Randy.

He accepted Christ on Friday.

Maybe that's it. Maybe that is the ONLY reason Lanessa got sick. If it is then praise God.

I don't know if that's the reason Lanessa is sick. I don't know if their is a reason. I just know that in place of a reason I have seen results. I have seen what the body of Christ is supposed to be.

Jason and Lanessa attend Hillcrest Baptist Church in Enterprise, Alabama. Their Sunday School has been absolutely remarkable in the last week. I've met all of the staff, their friends Mike and Kim, Randy and Kacey and on Tuesday night about 20 people were in the lobby to greet my brother. They have been at the hospital, they have been at the house, they have been everywhere meeting needs. On Sunday morning the pastor devoted the first half of his message to Lanessa. People are sacrificing their own time to be their for Jason and Lanessa and the boys. I can't put into words how much of a model these people are. I'm blown away.

Notice I said that Jason and Lanessa "attend" Hillcrest. They aren't even members yet and they are receiving unreal support! Although as Jay put it, "When we get through this we are definitely joining. And we aren't even waiting for the invitation. We're just walking to the front during the welcome."

(On a side note, every time I talked to my dad before I got here he told me he was in Enterprise. I was honestly trying to figure out why my father chose to spend so much time at a rental car facility but that's neither here nor there.)

Anyway, it's Sunday evening now - six days since we really thought we might lose her. There have been good days (Tuesday and Wednesday) and not so good (Thursday and today have been a little rough) but Lanessa is still fighting.

She has such a neat relationship with my brother and such an awesome sense of humor. When she first got the breathing tubes out after surgery she told my brother not to come back until he had shaved, brushed his teeth and put on a new shirt.

Another day, she noticed a nurse checking my brother out and kindly reminded Jay that a male nurse had given her a sponge bath. Of course, no one heard her because we were all laughing too loud at the idea of a male nurse.

Obviously we are in better shape here in Dothan, Alabama than we were a week ago and all glory goes to God. I don't completely understand the process that God goes through when someone encounters tragedy and I don't understand why some people are healed and others aren't. When I pray with my brother these days we thank God for who He is. For mercy, grace, healing, salvation, joy and trials. And then we just pray to be in His will. We pray that it's in His plan for Lanessa to recover 100%.

But we also pray that we would be equipped for whatever the result may be. But as I have told some of you, God has recently been teaching me about taking GREAT joy in the process and not the result. So that's what we are doing here - thanking God for this challenge and humbly asking for the strength to face the next one.

It's Sunday evening right now and my brother just left a meeting with the neurosurgeon Dr. Derek Sheppard.

Just kidding, his name is Dr. Becker.

There was some concern about Lanessa's anti-seizure medicine and what it was doing to her kidneys and liver. He is going to start slowly hydrating her so that he can change out her anti-seizure medicine. My brother is encouraged and feels good about her progress but there are still some major roadblocks ahead. Specifically pneumonia or other infections that might creep in.

But as I sit here and stare out the windows of this hospital I see an absolutely beautiful evening with the sun setting amidst the green landscape of Southeastern Alabama. Not five hours ago we were getting hammered with the storms of Tropical Storm Fay and now the sun is too bright to look at through this tinted glass.

It's a perfect metaphor for what we are hoping for. After the violent storms of recent days we are looking forward to a God-given sunny day when Lanessa can tell you all about her recovery herself. We are praying expectantly for healing and praising our Father for every single thing that happens.

And we are seeing the Glory of God shine bright like this Alabama sunset. So big. So bright. Pumping rays of sunlight into our lives despite the tinted view of our human nature. He is so good.

I had a very hard time at the beginning...having the "it is not fair" thoughts and the "why did this happen to me" Why a mother of 4 is now having a hard time walking, can't drive and has to wear a helmet, and missed Clarks first 6 weeks of life, and gets exhausted every hour, and is taking 14 pills a day. I know this will make me stronger, and it will just take time...

WROTE: September 22, 2008
Lets Have a Party Come join me for my party---go to the nearest dumpster and look inside for me --- there I am "down in the dumps". And this party is not a birthday but a PITY party, I've been having them everyday complete with tears and anger, occasionally some yelling. See I am trying to get thru this trial in a Christian manner-- reading scripture, praying, finding rest in Christ, and for some reason it is hard- I just want to look at the bad or the inconvenient things that I now have in my life. I'm going to go ahead and list some...first of all I have 0 endurance...going upstairs warrants a nap. I have horrible headaches that comes with nausea, my legs and ankles are so swollen from the blood clots they are starting to bruise and has now given me more stretch marks along with pain. I have side effects from the ton of medicine I take...listen to this one---I have "extensive" blood clots in my legs hence me taking a shot twice a day that Jason gives me in the stomach (a blood thinner) The side effects of this is that for every shot I get a bruise on my abdomen and now it has turned completely purple. The other effect is that I stay freezing all day- completely annoying. Jason literally blow dried my feet and legs yesterday because I couldn't get warm. I also have not been able to sleep because I can't sleep on one side of my head and the headaches keep me up. The Ambien is helping though.

To top things off, I have my skull surgery to replace the open spot. I had a doctors appointment today and found out I now have to have another procedure right before the surgery. Basically they are putting a tube in my groin that has a metal claw devise that will be threaded up to my heart valve. This is to catch any blood clots that my travel up to my lungs and kill me. sounds fun huh? Then on to the brain surgery...
I won't end this on a bad note, I have had a few moments the past few days that truly made me smile. First we joined the church and I got 2 standing ovations! The church we go to has been so supportive during this time. Also dad took me swimming at the pool on post and I did really well. We exercised doing aerobics and I dog paddled back and forth. The water seemed to wash my self loathing away.

I know we have all had trials, I don't mean to make mine worse than someone else’s... I just am having a hard time with the recovery rather than the actual surgery. I also have been very humbled by this. People stare and look at me I guess because I am so young with a walker and a helmet. Half the time I think I might head butt them with my helmet. And my sweet mom took me clothes shopping and had to physically help me put every item on.

The thing is I have had my job stripped from me and that has hurt the most. My very loving parents are here just to help our family and have cooked, cleaned, and helped with kids, laundry, and getting me around. I have no stamina to do all this by myself, so while I accept the help and very much appreciate it, it is hard to realize once they leave, I might not be able to do this by myself anymore. I also had my in-laws come for weeks to help - thank you so much!!

Thanks to all of you that have send words of complete encouragement, love and support. I have had so many prayers I know and I can't explain how much I KNOW it helped. I have heard over and over "it will just take time" so please steer away from that- I might scream!!! Love you all!!

My new favorite verse---I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

WROTE: October 3, 2008
THANK YOU

I have been meaning to write this for a few days, going over what I would like to say every night as I go to sleep. This trial in my life the last month has shaken me spiritually too, not just physically. To wake up one day in a hospital room, nurses buzzing around you, IV’s in you and then to have a doctor you don’t know come in to tell you you had brain surgery was mind blowing, then to realize you can’t talk, can’t walk and your head has been shaved was even harder. I can’t remember anything before all this, so I had no idea the prayers that had been prayed. I did not find out till some time after how serious things got and how close to death I was. I am still to this day processing this. Though I am now up on my feet I can now say my spiritual walk with Christ is back on track too. See, to be perfectly honest I was very angry with God because I felt he kept me from death, but left me unable to take care of myself much less four children – I was so weak for so long, and in so much pain. Though I would pray sometimes, it was never heartfelt since I felt I had been forgotten and wasn’t loved enough to be helped.
I have now realized that I can see Christ’s love for me though this whole ordeal. – He was at my bedside in the faces of my friends that came to see me. It was in the faces of my Sunday school class that came to pray over me, the leaders from my church, and my parents and brother. My mother and father-in-law, brother-in-law, and sister-in-law, and of course my husband. Jesus was there then watching over me – Thank you to those that represented Him
To those that couldn’t make my side, your prayers meant just as much. Thank you for believing that Christ could pull me out of the brain swelling and surgery alive. I have been learning to ask specifically to God what I am needing, and your prayers of hope and healing is exactly what I need.
There have been days I pleaded to be taken to heaven, but I am hoping that the reason this happened is so I can be a light for Christ and have the opportunity to share about Him. I am confidant that He does love me and that I am his child and that this happened for HIS reason. This realization makes me happier than being able to walk again!

Did you know we have had meals come every other night since this started?
Did you know I had girls I hardly know lend me a changing table and glider for the baby?
Did you know I now have formula and diapers till Clark is a year old?
Did you know women would come and play and do crafts with my children?
Did you know I had babysitters come anytime I needed, for long hours?
Did you know we never had to worry about $ for Jason’s gas and food?
Did you know I had churches all over the US praying for me?
Did you know I had a flower arrangement or gift sent to me every week?
Did you know I had a nurse make a CD of Christian singers she thought I would like?
Did you know I had my OB doc bring me a smoothie I wanted as a surprise?
Did you know my whole Sunday school came to pray over me?

Yes, they wrote an article in the paper about ME, but this trial has been about YOU, the person who cared enough to come, pray, and encourage. Thank you.

If you can see, I had nothing to do with this- my family and church showed what Jesus taught us…to love thy neighbor as thyself.

Wrote: October 7, 2008
Never in a Million Years

"Never in a million years I thought I would be doing this" I have been saying this the past over a few things...here is a few reasons why-

A few weeks ago, my first day out at Wal-mart in months, my mom and I had to get lots of groceries, I had to drive one of those motorized scooters! I was somewhat embarrassed at the looks, but it was kinda fun! And NO I was not wearing my helmet- that would just be too much. My mom teared up because she was so proud of me! (Of course my parents were just overjoyed at things like me being able to brush my own teeth or sit up by myself at the hospital) She would walk beside me and clear the way. Did you know those things beep when you go in reverse and they have horns!

My husband shaved my head since I am going to have it done again for the next surgery and I didn't want it to start growing out yet. It was getting a little poofy, so he shaved it. Then we noticed that his hair was longer than mine. Never in a million....

Today I gave up total control and ha 2 sweet ladies come and clean my house! My caring dad felt like I shouldn't be expending all my energy doing the hard stuff- floors and bathrooms, so he arranged for them to come and paid them. It was nice to just sit and spend time schooling Parker while my home was getting clean. It was hard letting that go to someone else's control, but in the end, really nice. Thanks dad!

Those are a few things I never thought I would see happen...oh well it makes me smile to think of them and I hope I don't forget them. They will be great stories for my kids later on, or even grandkids!

Wrote: October 20, 2008
Daydreaming
So I am sure most of you out there might daydream about a night out or vacation away...but not me! For some reason I have been daydreaming about my time when I finally get home and all I want to do...I need to go thru the boys winter clothes, and organize their closet...and I am excited to do this! I also am so excited to get back to cooking!! I have been going over and over all the recipes the family enjoys and now have the time to go to my favorite website allrecipes.com and pick out some new ones. I can make an organized meal list for the coming weeks and make grocery lists...can I tell you how excited I am! weird I know, but I just can't wait to be a MOM again! Though I went to college and graduated with a biology degree, I don't think there would be another job I would enjoy more than just being a homemaker. Sucks that I haven't gotten to for months now. I am trying to stay positive each day but it is really hard when Clark is about to roll over and Halloween is next week, and I am missing it all. I feel I don't know him since I have lost all memory of having him and the time I had him a few days old before going unconscious. I pray there will be a bond between us- mother and son and I haven't been replaced by all the helpers that basically have raised him.

I am rambling, so off to find some recipes- if you have a good kid friendly one let me know! Thank you all that leave your comments, they make me smile and are always encouraging!

**PS- I would not recommend watching the food channel when you are getting hospital food, anyone want to bring me a steak with mushrooms and potatoes?? Just kidding, dang Bobby Flay why can't you cook for this hospital!

Wrote: October 21, 2008
Dramatically Abnormal

I just laugh every time I say that..."dramatically abnormal" was the words written on my last MRI scan about my brain that put me back into the hospital. My doc came today to see me and felt like the 2 weeks I've been getting the strong anti-viral medication by IV might allow me to have a "normal" MRI...that’s it, I need to have a normal brain to go get the bone put back on and then HOME (if there is no complications from surgery, which knowing me could easily happen!)

Anyways, not sure when the scan will be, could be today, could be next week. Here's hoping for normalcy!

Wrote: October 22, 2008
MRI Results
I had my MRI yesterday. If you have ever had one done, you know they are very loud and you also wear headphones with music - so it is not at all peaceful...I was hoping to get some quiet time to talk to God about the results and how much I wanted them to be normal. I had tears running down my face instead, as a song that Parker and I used to sing and dance to came on. Later that night the radiology tech called to get some info, and told me the MRI was not normal at all. I was in tears again. Deep down I was hoping it was going to show a completely healthy brain and the last 2 weeks of medication had gotten rid of any virus still in my head.

This morning my doctor came in and said the MRI looked exactly like the one done 2 weeks ago. He then said he had put a call in to a specialist at another hospital and he would more than likely call back in 2-3 days. At that moment my doctor got a call from the specialist. He said that was defiantly a "God thing". They talked for about 10 minutes and come to find out this specialist is doing a research study on the effects of encephalitis on the brain. Come to find out I may never have a normal MRI because the virus leaves damage on the brain. Thankfully my damage is not in my sight, hearing or other things. The headaches and fever I had before must have been from something else, and the fatigue I have could be from the damage in the brain. This specialist also said that it was good I went back into the hospital for the last 2 weeks to receive the medication as a preventative. So guess what now???

I AM GOING HOME FOR GOOD!!! I am on only 2 medications, no more shots, and hopefully will start feeling totally well! Not sure when they are doing the bone surgery, but that is the least of my worries since it is a 2 day recovery...

How great our God is that he can turn the devastating news I got (abnormal MRI) into a good thing! So I'll just have some brain damage, but not on any part that effects me physically (but just some easily tiredness). That I can deal with, and maybe that is just God telling me to slow down!

WROTE: October 29, 2008
Jason- Superhusband

I've been meaning to write this post since I've been home, but haven't found the time. I just wanted to brag on Jason and how well he handled our hard time these last months. I had no idea what he had done in the beginning till people started telling me. He was by my side most of the time, praying and reading from the bible while I was in ICU unconscious. He said he would whisper things like "please don't die" and hated that he couldn't kiss me on the lips because of the breathing tube in the way. Not only was he worried about me, but he tried to do as much as he could with the kids. Once all our help was gone back to Texas, he took the household chores for himself and getting up with Clark for night feedings. He has done so many small things that add up to so much. He took so much time driving to come see me, buying and hooking up a DVD player in my room, watch me do therapy, slept on the hard floor so I wouldn't be alone my first night in a new hospital, would bring me food, help me take showers, get me anything I needed basically so that I was comfortable. He made it a point to bring one of the kids to see me so I could spend time with them. There are so many things I could tell you, but mostly that if you want to see your husbands love put to test just get a harmful disease and have life saving surgery--just kidding, but I have seen him in action take our vows seriously - "in sickness and in health" - and he did a wonderful job.

He is now back at work, and still is such a big help at home when he gets home so I can rest. I love him so much and I believe this has grown us so much closer. I am glad to see such a good thing come from a bad situation!

Wrote: November 8, 2008
The Smell of Asphalt

Is pretty strong especially when your laying on it. My headaches have been so bad lately that they make me nauseated and I don't feel like eating. Today I went to Wal-mart with Banner and after shopping for a couple hours, then walking the parking lot trying to find my car, I passed out behind the van I thought was mine. I came to when 3 men were yelling about calling an ambulance. I quickly told them not to, that I just had brain surgery and my blood pressure must have dropped and I hadn't eaten lunch. I tried and tried to unlock the van to put the groceries in, to find out it was not my car. The men then found My van, unloaded my groceries, then 2 of them prayed for me. Jason did not want me driving home, so he came and got me. The good thing is, I fell on the side that still has bone. I just am having a hard time with the headaches, and short term memory. See it isn't that I forgot where I parked, it is I don't even remember parking in the first place. At least some good people were around to help me and pick me off Wal-marts parking lot!

Wrote: November 10, 2008
My New Hair

is now synthetic...kinda reminding me of a Barbie. Mom and I went to a wig shop and I tried on lots of styles, but in the end, a natural brown and shoulder length cut looked the best.

Wrote: December 5, 2008
Don’t Look Now--Graphic Material

It is a first for me too to see my head with staples. I was unconscious the first time when they took the bone out...now I am all put back together and am feeling great under the circumstances. I do have some swelling left to go down. I am trying to decide how to go home (cap, bandanna, or bandages) to not scare the kids too much. I guess I will be wearing my wig out too before I get the staples out on the 11th. How great is it that is is all over, and I feel whole now. I am so excited about Christmas and seeing all our extended family in Texas. I am going to try to take it really easy and rest up for the coming year with Jason back in school full time and me at home with the kids. Thank you for your prayers and I am glad my post are going to be happy ones!

Wrote: December 14th, 2008
God is So Good

We are about to head out to Texas...we went to church and Sunday school and Jason and I both enjoyed the sermon and class lesson so much. I finally got to put NOTHING down for a prayer request as far as my health, and was happy to put a praise down- I am feeling SO good, better than I have in 4 months! I am having more energy everyday and since the bone plate was put back on, I have had NO headaches, taken no pain medicine! God fulfilled his promises to me, and I have grown so much thru this trial. My appetite is back and for the first time in months, I felt like cleaning and scrap booking. See, I was worried I would have to get on an anti-depressant since the doctors were saying I had "situational depression" mixed with postpartum. Today I woke up and felt the cloud had lifted and spent a lot of time in prayer at church being ever so thankful. God is so good, and He will carry you through life's storm like He did for me. He promises that to us, and he will fulfill that promise, just trust in Him. Here is one of my favorite verses that helped me through...(especially bold 8 &9) (very much pertained to me when using the walker)

I am all smiles...love to you all, Lanessa

Psalm 116
1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.

2 Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave [a] came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

4 Then I called on the name of the LORD :
"O LORD, save me!"

5 The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.

6 The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.

7 Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,

9 that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.

Turning 30

2010-08-09T15:26:00.018-05:00

I thought it was going to suck. Sorry for the strong word but that is what I thought. I didn't like the fact I was no longer in my twenties, Jason still is (but only for 6 more months), and he wasn't going to be here to celebrate with me.

BUT...Boy was I wrong! I had about the most perfect birthday a girl could have.

Now I will say I have never really made a huge deal out of celebrating birthdays, except for the boys, and until August 5th I hadn't given that day much thought. But when it came down to the day and I had to tell the boys late that morning that it was my birthday (since Jason wasn't here to remind them)I had a feeling it was not going to be so great and I felt really down. But, it started to pick up thanks to my sweet brother being the first to call and tell me happy birthday, then to open my e-mail and find about 40 comments from facebook friends telling me to have a great day. (Now I know facebook basically makes you tell someone happy birthday by reminding you, but still it counts in my book.) After the mailman came, I opened up several sweet birthday cards from good friends that made me smile...my day had gone up a notch.

Then I got a knock on the door and opened it up to these...

My sweet Jason had had them sent to me with a sweet note...and it brightened my day much more.

Off to my parents house where mom and dad, my brother, sister-in-law, and my niece and nephew where all there with a decorated house with balloons and photos of me from the last 30 year up everywhere. We swam and my dad grilled out an organic steak for me, something I haven't treated myself to in 4 months (red meat) and we had chocolate cake and a cherry pie (my fav) for dessert.

I opened a few gifts, but my main gift from my parents was something I got to pick out on Saturday. That night when I crawled into bed late I got a phone call from my Jason who had made it a point to wait in line to call me and get to tell me "happy birthday" on the actual day.

Then on to Friday night when my brother-in-law, Chris, and sister-in-law, Kari wanted to do something for me and my other sister-in-law Ashley. Since we all love the Alamo Drafthouse (a place where you eat while watching a movie) we had planned on going there but the movie we wanted to see was no longer playing. So Chris had the idea to recreate the Drafthouse and he made us girls a wonderful dinner at their place. He waited on us hand and foot, we did our nails, got comfortable on the couch, and watch an old favorite "10 Things I Hate About You". We ate a cherry cream cheese pie for dessert thanks to Jason's mom who made it for me (and as a side note got me a grilled sandwich maker- the coolest gadget in my kitchen now!)

On to Saturday and picking out my present...
If you know me well, you know I LOVE birds, and have always wanted one, and I finally got one!! A yellow fancy canary named Robin (yes I stuck with the superhero theme) and he is about as cheerful as ever!

Sunday was a day for Clark...he was turning two! I had the whole family over for a small party after church. That afternoon, I got my first ever surprise party thrown for me! My sweet next door neighbor, Camy and other ladies from my church all had planned a party with pink(I never get pink!) flower, balloons, candles, food, and chocolate cheesecake.

So my 30 year old birthday turned into lots of fun events I never expected thanks to my family and friends. And as I am typing this I almost feel guilty that my poor hubby is wind and sand blown while I am getting pampered. But I also know he is glad I have all these people here to take care of me. Thank you to all that made it so special, I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful family to be so giving and old and new friends that care so much!

P.S. Lord, you know how busy I was in my 20's...I graduated college, I got married, I had 4 children, I moved at least 7 times to 3 different states, oh yeah, and had 2 brain surgeries. Could we slow it down a little in my 30's? Thanks. Lanessa

How we are Doing

2010-08-02T10:32:00.017-05:00

I have been asked numerous time how we are doing as this week we are coming up on just 3 of the 52 weeks without this guy in our house...

And this week he will also finally be at his actual FOB (Forward Operating Base) that he will stay at for the coming year(he has been at a temporary one while they were finishing building the new one he is going to).

So, my usual answer to the question, "Hey, how are y'all doing?" is "GOOD." Of course I don't go into detail...but I will in this blog. And it all boils down to 3 things. We have had good days, we have had not so good days, and God knows what he was doing and is doing with this family, and I trust in that daily.

For instance...when we came to Texas to look at houses around Fort Hood I remember digging in my heals about looking in the city we are currently in. I also remember praying to not get in the way too much and to the the Lord work and show us where we should be. Well after these 3 weeks the Lord sure has showed me why I should not get in the way! I am so glad I didn't and I can see why we live in the small special town we do. I have had my pastor of our new church help me out more than once with situations, I have a wonderful couple that are my neighbors that he (and she!) have been mowing my lawn so far and don't mind all the balls in their backyard the boys throw over. I have a very special community group and have started making new friends here in the community from teachers at the boys school to moms on the t-ball teams the boys were on.

Back to how we are doing....like I said, me and the kids have good and not so good days. I have to pray about my patience and had some not so proud moments, but I am trying to learn from them. Shining moments don't always come from me as a mom, but I know I am doing the best I can.

(I will add one funny moment when I did lose it in front of the boys and just started crying on the floor. It was Parker's 7th birthday party, 30 people were coming to the house, and I was having pizza and cake for everyone. I was filling up a large cooler with drinks and ice after cleaning the house and getting myself ready. I was trying to hurry, and wasn't sure how to go about it ---do you put the ice in first, cokes in first, or what?, So I put the bag of ice in and tossed the cokes in. One I tossed in too hard and the can exploded spraining directly onto my face, up my nose, into my eyes, all in my newly fixed hair, all over my outfit. I wasn't sure what to do, I slammed the cooler lid shut and let it go to town in there. I sat on the floor and cried while my sweet boys huddled around me and tried not to laugh. I let it all out, mumbling "this is why a man in needed in the house to do things like this!", I cleaned and mopped, and got myself fixed up in time for the party)

Sleep has been my enemy though (well the lack of). Since almost two days ago, I almost felt like a new mother with a newborn up all night and pretty much in the cranky/weepy/zombie stage. For the last 2 nights though I have had to let go of some fears and let my body relax and just sleep. Yes, some benedry has been in that formula, and possibly a couple 8 o'clock bedtimes mixed in with a few naps during the day. I have to remind myself how important it is to take care of myself first, before taking care of the 4 boys, because the saying "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" rings true in this house! Sleep is what I have been craving, and luckily it is coming more and more.

But, what wife could sleep well knowing their sweet husband was hunkered down in one of these during a mortar attack....

Or sleeping on this next to a hundreds other soldiers with no air conditioning, given no sheet or pillow...

However, he is getting to do this, which he enjoys, but still makes me nervous...

Because (even though they are beautiful) he is flying so close to these...

Jason is doing well too. He has also had good and bad days. He has gotten to fly and be back in his element. But I can't imagine how hard it is to be away from all of us and not have a really close friend there. He is strong, and he has lots of prayers coming his way, and he knows who to go to when it gets too much.

If anything, the Lord has defiantly prepared us well for this coming year, again he knows what He is doing!!!

Just wanted to give an update on how things are going. Jason loves getting e-mails and will now be allowed to get mail delivered, so if you want his e-mail address or his mailing address please let me know. Your prayers are always appreciated and welcomed.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

My Love/Hate Relationship

2010-07-24T18:36:00.008-05:00

I have enjoyed being an Army wife, but I am now and have seen the ill effects of it with each move. I will say though I might not have been the right person to be able to do it in the beginning, I have been thrust into the life and God and the Army has changed me to be better equipped for it and I can now say I feel I am almost made for it. We move a lot, we say hello a lot, we make quick friends a lot, we say goodbye a lot, and we have to adjust a lot. Schools change, churches change, neighborhoods change, and we change.

One thing I have LOVED about it is when I say my prayers for my friends, they are quite long because I have a LOT! And now they are all over this country which is so neat. If I am ever in Hawaii, Korea, Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky, Alaska, or Germany I will have someone to visit! (and I bet I am missing a few places).

However, on the flip side it is also the thing I hate..that you say goodbye to those good friends that you force yourself to make so very quickly knowing you will leave them so soon. It is hard making friends trying to hold yourself back or being reserved for fear it will almost break your heart when you have to leave them. Almost like you don't really want to like them too much because you just won't stick around long. Thankfully, though we are no longer living close, it has been those friends that have understood how this last week might be going with Jason just being gone and I have appreciated their prayers, e-mails, calls, and cards. You know who you are. I have a week down and 51 to go. If I feel your support this much through the rest of the time I know Jason and I will do just fine! Praise the Lord for the friends he has given me, just hate that you are so far away! One day in heaven we'll all sit and have tea together.

Godspeed

2010-07-18T17:40:00.009-05:00

As you might know, Jason has left. Here is some last pictures we took...

He isn't officially "there" yet but from a couple e-mails, phone calls and our bank confirming that our debit card hadn't been stolen in Romania, I know he is at least across the ocean and we are ready to start this deployment. A word that I heard the other day that brought back some fond memories was "godspeed." Not knowing what it actually meant I looked it up and fell in love with the definition :

An expression of good will when addressing someone, typically someone about to go on a journey or a daring endeavor; A Christian substitute to the otherwise sacrilegious "good luck"(which implies that anything can be random and out of the hands of God). Used to express concern and prayer for someone"

It sums up the future year for us in that I don't believe in luck and only that things lie in Gods hands. The fact he (and somewhat me and the boys) are going on a journey or endeavor. And mostly that I am concerned and pray for him daily.

In my letters now to him they will now all end in "Godspeed Jason".

Another reason this word means a lot to both Jason and I, is when Parker was born, I picked two of my favorite songs out and sang one him nightly in our bed with him inbetween us. One was "My Man" by Barbara Streisand and the other was Godspeed, Sweet Dreams by Dixie Chicks. I still remember laying in that bed at our old rent house in a very small town in Texas. I loved the lyrics then, and I love the lyrics even more now because I really do have a superman in pajamas on the couch! Here are the lyrics...

Dragon tales and the "water is wide"
Pirate's sail and lost boys fly
Fish bite moonbeams every night
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

The rocket racer's all tuckered out
Superman's in pajamas on the couch
Goodnight moon, we'll find the mouse
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

God bless mommy and match box cars
God bless dad and thanks for the stars
God hears "amen" wherever we are
And I love you

Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

GODSPEED JASON, I LOVE AND MISS YOU and SO DO 4 LITTLE BOYS!

The Design Team

2010-07-13T07:09:00.004-05:00

I wanted to send a thank you to the two people who will help our family get through the next year, though they probably don't know it.

As you can see the blog has changed with new pictures and a new look.

If you are ever in the central Texas area and need some awesome shots call this guy, Scott Wade, a friend from college. He is a talented photographer that was able to manage photographing a family with 4 small boys that only wanted to go play on the baseball fields we were on, all while avoiding the impending rain that eventually did come. He got some perfect shots of us as a family and captured us how I usually see us....goofing around, playing ball, wrestling, or loving on each other. I wish I could show you all 200 he took!

Then you take those perfect pictures and Beth, another friend from college, makes my blog look combat-ready for the upcoming year long deployment! She is a blog designer that took her time to make me smile each time I post and each time Jason goes to read it from halfway around the world.

These two have helped in what they think is a small way, but in a big way to Jason and I. Thank you both, you are awesome at what you do!

He is Good

2010-07-06T20:17:00.029-05:00

There have been days lately that I am humming a Nicole Nordeman song "He is Good" that my good friend Jennifer sang one day in church in Alabama that pretty much sums up my life right now. I will quote some of the lyrics and how I am equating them with my life right now.

My life is good. right now. Good. Even though I am about to say my first year long good-bye to my helpmate, I have been so joyful at what the Lord is giving me. I am living in a beautiful house in a great place and it fits our family well. I love getting up every morning, coming downstairs and opening the blinds and praising the Lord for what he has given me, what I get to do all day (take care of others), and what I am blessed with.

"When the sun starts to rise
And I open my eyes
You are good, so good
In the heat of the day
With each stone that I lay
You are good, so good"

I have been able to give and share my testimony so much here in Texas, something I prayed a lot about. We have found a church that has enveloped us already and will be beside me during this year, I know. I have all my immediate family within minutes to extend a helping hand and comfort. I also have some new friends I like, but mostly I still count on the old ones far away that are still so important to me.

"When the road starts to turn
Around each bend I've learned
You are good so good
And when somebodies hand
Holds me up helps me stand
You are so good"

I also have my health. Daily I try to remind myself what it would be like to still be ill. I really don't think I will ever stop doing this. Looking back at what happened and what could have happened just to see where the Lord has taken me keeps my gratitude coming.

"With every breath I take in
I'll tell You I'm grateful again
'Cause its more than enough
Just to know I am loved
And You are good"

AND My boys bless me daily....so let me tell you about them.

Parker- the oldest.
Typical first-born.
About to be the man of the house.
Birthday boy in a few weeks (7).
Smart as a whip.
Loves baseball, x-box and reading.

Banner- A stubborn 5 year old. -
Stuck in the middle.
Found in "time out" most of the time.
Athletic.
Loves life.
Has an obsession with coins.
Handsome.

West-Sweet as ever.
My little red-head sensitive one.
Has the prettiest blue eyes.
He cares the most.
Poor kid is on the clumsy side, skinny with big ears.
Says "I love you" all the time.

Clark- The almost two year old.
With a piercing scream.
Has a smile that is precious.
Learning so much everyday.
Can't sleep w/o a stuffed bear.
Loves his daddy.

Can't leave out my biggest boy -Jason
Knows me so well.
Can push my buttons.
Loves his movies, books, and baseball.
The best daddy out there.
Will be terribly missed.

We will be without one boy for a year. He completes our family so my prayer is he comes back the same as he left. -- He leaves as a son, a brother, a husband, and father, a pilot, and a soldier all in one.

"When it's dark and it's cold
And I can't feel my soul
You are so good
When the world is gone gray
And the rain's here to stay
You are still good"

Remember God is Good All the Time, during the good and bad, hard and the easy! I might need to look back on this post in a a few months when things might get tough!

Parker's Decision

2010-06-24T12:06:00.005-05:00

My oldest, Parker, almost 7 years old accepted Christ a few weeks ago and after he came and told us late one night he said he wanted to be baptized. This was such a special night for Jason and I both as we saw the fruits of our spiritual leadership as parents. I really think Parker is very knowledgeable spiritually for his age especially after what happened in our family in 2008.

So last night he was baptized in a church members pool by Jason and our new pastor Bill. It was so special to see Jason do this for his son! The whole family got to come watch which was a blessing. His brothers and cousins, grandparents, and aunts and uncles were all there. My mom and dad gave him a new devotional book for boys ages 6-9 and he was so excited to start it. Since Jason and I do a pre-school devotional with all the boys at night, he wanted to do this one by himself at another time. I told him I like getting up really early and doing my quiet/prayer time in the morning before everyone else gets up and starts making noise. He thought that was a good idea, so this morning I found a note asking me to wake him up when I got up. I got him up at 5:30 thinking he would fall back asleep, but he woke up and quickly came downstairs to the kitchen table and opened his new devotional. I even poured him so coffee (with lots of milk and sugar!) and he read, sipped, wrote, and prayed. My sweet little boy is making some big decisions that I hope he holds close to his heart all through his teenage years on to adulthood.

Do you see...

2010-06-11T18:17:00.011-05:00

Why I love this man? This is what I was given for our 8th anniversary along with a promise of a tropical vacation when he gets back in 2012. The ONLY plus to this being 12 months away is I can make sure I am swim-suit ready! (Yes it will take me that long after 4 kids) and this is who I get to live with everyday...well for at least the next 25 days (sniff sniff)....(could he BE any cuter?.)

I have an officer for a husband that flies helicopters and a handsome, tall one at that! He just got promoted and I just couldn't be prouder of him. Here we are after I pinned on his new rank...

He is a wonderful husband and everyday I am grateful I have him. And don't forget about the 4 boys that totally idolize him...he has grown into being a dad any son would love to have.
(Sorry Jason if this embarrasses you, but I had to ;) I love you!

Graduation

2010-06-06T06:39:00.003-05:00

Last week I saw my oldest son, Parker, graduate. Kindergarten that is. He has grown into the most kind-hearted little man that makes a mom so proud. His teacher actually teared up when she talked about him and how much he would be missed. Her words were "Parker is such a blessing". That is how I feel too. The big brown eyed kid loves playing tee-ball and family games of kick-ball, hates any kind of pasta, plays his video games better than I could, and takes care of his younger brothers.

The best thing about him is he is starting to understand what our Lord did for us and what it means to follow Him. Being 6 and a half brings more maturity than I thought. My wish is he continues to grow and learn in his spiritual walk. I am continually praying that I am leading (not pushing) him in the correct manner and showing him through actions not just words.

I am constantly reminded of Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it"

Congrats!

2010-05-27T05:00:00.006-05:00

My brother-in-law, Chris got married this weekend to just about the best girl out there! Kari fits him so well, and I am so glad they did not settle earier in life with just anyone, they both waited for the right one, and I am happy to have a new sister-in-law! One of the neatest aspects of their wedding was Jason getting to be the best man to Chris and seeing the brotherly love and respect between each other. After thinking about it, I am so glad my little boys have them as models for how to love and treat your brother. Lord knows, I am going to see my share of fights and disagreements between my four (I already do!), but thankfully they will have these two to get advise from.

Another special part of their day was Parker was the ring bearer and did a great job of walking the aisle and standing still during the ceremony...

And what a ceremony it was! It was filled with the most beautiful bride, touching music (Kari came down the aisle to "In Christ Alone") and a sense that the Lord will be first in Chris and Kari's marriage. So excited to see where God takes these two that love Him so much.

And one more note, my kids can dance. GOOD. Very much unlike Jason and I (yes, I was on the drill team, but put some fast music on and all I want to do is high kicks not bounce up and down and look cool while doing it!) I have no idea where Parker, Banner, and West learned to move like they did. We are talking break-dance style with literally hundreds gathered around in a circle watching the boys shake their stuff.

Congrats Chris and Kari, you had the perfect wedding and I love you both.

10 year reunion

2010-05-18T07:48:00.008-05:00

No this post isn't about my 10 year high school reunion...it is about Jason's CWF 10 year reunion. What's CWF you ask? CWF stands for Christian Wrestling Federation in which Jason was a wrestler for. If you have just gotten to know us in the last few years in the Army, you might have heard a couple comments about this. Well let me tell you the real story of the moment I heard about the CWF and met Jason.

My roommate my sophomore year in college at UMHB, Ashley, tells me about a boy she knew and went to school and church with in high school named Jason. I think she brought it up because I said I was always attracted to dark-headed very tall boys. So she tells me all about Jason and his 6'4" height and how he was from around the area and was coming to UMHB. I was kind of into a guy in my Biology classes about 6'8" but he didn't seem interested. Ashley then up and called Jason one night to see if he wanted to meet me. His answer-No!-he was fed up with girls and didn't need another one. So I put it to rest until I saw him...

That is where CWF comes in. One night the wrestlers did a show at the apartments at UMHB in which I saw him in all his glory!

And I was GONE...lost forever in "love" with a boy I had never talked to but saw wrestle. He was tall, kinda cocky, athletic, and just so dang cute. I remember thinking if I could just get his attention I know he would like me.

Here are a few pics from 10 years ago...

Isn't he so cute?

Meeting fans and giving autographs

Always the high flyer! (His mom made those pants and his "name" was Angel)

But then....

I saw him holding hands with an old girlfriend while walking to class, then with another friend (that was a girl- hi Leslie!) at a grocery store. Ughh...thought he was done with girls! I tried to get his attention one night at a coffee house thing -and you know how I did it? I asked him about his tall friend (the 6'8" guy!)to see if he ever talked about me! Don't know what I was thinking, but...

THEN....no lie, like out of a movie. I was sitting there watching a TV show with my other roommate Aaryn (probably 90210), with a green mask on my face (dang college acne!) and Ashley gets a call from a boy that wants to come to our place and hang out. You talk about 3 girls running around crazy...me taking off the mask, putting some make-up on and more than a t-shirt and pj pants, Aaryn and Ashley frantically cleaning up books, food, clothes and other strewn things around the apartment.

Jason and his friend Brandon, knocked on the door a while later. We talked and nervously got to know more about each other. That started late late nights up sometimes until Shipley Donuts were open talking and talking. Needless to say I failed my first class that semester and Jason did too (probably not his first though!) The dang boy didn't kiss me till months after we started dating, but it was about 4 months into it I knew he might be "the one".

So it goes...we dated 9 months, were engaged 9 months, and have been married almost 8 years, with 4 kids along with us. And through the bad months and good months we have pushed through hand in hand and I can still say when I see him walk through that door everyday I am enamored by him as much as I was that first time I saw him.

This past weekend I had a major flashback to 10 years ago when I saw him do a reunion wrestling show in Dallas in the same outfit I saw him in that first time. Inside I was partly that giddy girl that saw this cute boy and just wanted to talk to him.

And I am SO glad I did at that coffeehouse ten years ago. Maybe it was then I caught his eye. He is my dream guy and to this day I am so grateful the Lord brought us together.

(On another funny point, though we met in central Texas at college, after talking we found out we had lived streets away from each other in the Houston area when we were young!- God was going to have us meet somehow!)

CWF is still going strong, lots of wrestlers (some even well known) have gone through it and Jason's brother, Chris is still involved. (Which side note looks so much like Jason in the early years I would get giddy when I saw him only to realize it was Jason's brother.) It is a wonderful ministry that has led young and old to Christ by using a unique evangelistic approach. It became very popular when it started and they have traveled all over the world doing it. (Jason's picture was even in People Magazine! when they did a story on it). Though Jason has not been involved in it in a long while, I know he was so glad he was able to come to the 10 year reunion and wrestle with old friends and his brother.(And I am sure he was glad he could still do it physically!)

Here are a few pictures of this weekend and the CWF link

Wrestling Tim Storm and that same friend Brandon as ref

He was probably hurting here

Still just as cute!

I'm Back!

2010-05-13T09:09:00.016-05:00

Well it has been almost a year since my last post. If you know me personally you know I am back in Texas (back home!) with the 4 boys -- Parker 6, Banner now 5, West now 4, and Clark 1 1/2, and of couse my big boy Jason who has proven himself to me over and over to be my soulmate, my go-to guy and my Office, Astros, Glee, and Iron man companion. We have gotten to spend lots of time together now that we have SO many babysitters - aka aunt ashley, gigi, pawpaw, nene, and poppy! Trying not to abuse them is the hard thing, but getting all this time with Jason is such a blessing. SO far we have had 2 overnight hotel stays just for the fun of it, a new tattoo, an Astros home game, visit to Sea World, and a trip to see some of the grandparents. We have a big wedding weekend coming up...(congrats Chris and Kari!!) and a few fun family trips planned this month.

All this because of one reason...

A year without him.

He is leaving this summer for about 365 days to do what he has been trained to do. Jason is a blackhawk pilot that is aching to do his job. And though I know it will be hard to see this special guy go and leave the 5 of us I know God will keep him safe in his loving hands.

That is why I am starting to blog again...I want to document the time me and the boys have this year and be able to visit old posts and see what all we have been through the past couple years that show the mighty works the Lord has done for us.

We are a strong built family on a rock hard foundation (Christ) with a handful of boys to train up and grow into men of Christ.

I am "that" mom that LOVES being a mom, wife, and homemaker. And I am determined to NOT complain about this year. This was our choice and I am standing on God's promises that this year will grow us, stregthen us, knit us together (even though far apart) and allow us to lean on the Lord even more.

We still have a few weeks together (I can't give actual dates) but hoping this blog might allow me some time to sit and recap things I don't want to forget and allow Jason to see us from the other side of the world.

Here are some pictures from the last few months in case you forgot what we looked like!

My Hands

2009-07-26T19:45:00.006-05:00

Last week I was reminded as to what I wanted to be as a child. As a young girl, I wanted to use my hands to play the piano like my grandmother. I would dream that one day I would play in front of others. I took 9 years of piano lessons and when I was in junior high, I decided to move to the viola and was in the orchestra for 5 years. I loved music and thought I would once use my hand to play for others.

In high school, I was a science nerd who loved medical "stuff". As I got older I was involved with HOSA (Health Occupations) in school and decided I would go to college and major in Biology in hopes to possibly go to medical school and become a surgeon. I wanted to use my hand to help people in surgeries.

As years went on I did get my degree in Biology, but after meeting Jason the dreams of mine to use my hands in the medical profesion got pushed aside.

Today I realized God had other plans for my hands than I did. Those of you with children, how many times do you use your hands daily to hug, nurture, clean, and play with your children? How many times do my boys feel my hands - for a quick swat or spank - or for a good morning cuddle or late night hug goodnight? I am using my hands daily! Maybe not in a paid profession, but in the way that I can see the benefits each year as my children grow and I see their love for me and what I am teaching them.

I also realized today that I used my hands a lot this past few month in writing the book. Maybe I wasn't holding my pencil writing it down on paper, but I used my hands for typing! This makes me happy because I know God is proud of me in trying to do something to glorify Him.

So in the end, I am not using my hands the way I thought I would (changing diapers, wiping noses, or the continuous typing I did this year). God had other ideas for them. And I am so happy my old dreams have changed! For this I need to be reminded of His love for me and the fact He made my hands to do His work, and this is what I am trying to do!

My Podcast Interview!

2009-07-03T23:00:00.004-05:00

I have to thank Jonathan, who I went to UMHB with briefly, has an awesome website and called this past week to interview me for his podcast...

MAN! I am so twangy!...I hate the sound of my Texan accent recorded!

I was not sure what kind of questions he was going to ask, but that he wanted to talk about what all happened last year, and to talk about the book.

Here's the link, take a look at his site, good interviews you can download too on itunes.

http://www.somethingbeautifulpodcast.com/

Restored - to the land of the living (BOOK ORDER INFO)

2009-06-22T19:39:00.012-05:00

I am SO excited to finally write this post! Eleven months ago, I went through a hard trial that almost took my life. As most of you know since this affected my brain, I wanted to write it down so I would not forget the promises and blessings I got from the ordeal. Plus all the lessons I learned about our Lord and myself.

The book is now available for purchase, and before you order it, I ask you read this blurb so you will know the "mission statement" about the book.

I liked to blog, and my writing extended to that before I had Clark about a year ago. The only other writing I might have done in earlier years is some prayer journaling. So, let me explain I am NOT a seasoned, or trained writer...I have not attended writing conferences, and I self-published this book to be honest. I have to remind myself almost everyday that I got confirmations on all my decisions and my husband was behind me every step of the way.

To self-publish is to pay a company to design your book and print it in a book format. I did this with the full knowledge that I might never get back in profit what I paid out to the publishing company. And that is okay. I did not do this for that reason, in fact I want to give portions back to the church that did so much for me. I tried to keep the cost of the book down to a minimum so it is fairly small, thin and paperback. A mere $2 a book is my royalty, but if I just get one comment back that this story helped/uplifted/or inspired someone- that is my reward!

TO begin, let me have you read the e-mail I got from Andrea, the one that opened my eyes that maybe I should write this all down after joking about it in the hospital.

Lanessa, I have to tell you that it struck me last night when you told your mom that I was the straw that broke the camel's back about writing your book. I want you to know that it had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with God. That Wednesday night that I spoke to you I saw you out of the corner of my eye and I heard God speak to me and tell me to go and tell you, yet again, that I thought that you should write down your testimony. God knew what was going on in your heart and he just used me to solidify what he was already working on in you. It was also no accident that I was the one who helped to solidify it. It just so happens that my mother-in-law knew a little bit about writing and where to get started. God works out all of the details when we choose to be obedient and it has been awesome to see how everything worked out. I have been in awe of it. I am so proud of you for following through with writing it all down and I know that it will be a tremendous blessing for many people, but most of all your family.

After much prayer, I decided this was what I was supposed to do. I hope it will allow me to continue to be changed and "sharpened" and encouraged that our God is a good God and this happened for some really good reasons.

Here is the ordering information:

Click HERE
OR
go to www.authorhouse.com (search bookstore for author Lanessa Allman)
OR
call 1-888-280-7715
or on Amazon and other sites

I do have to say Jason (still back in Alabama) while I am in Texas has the first edition that got sent to me.- I haven't even seen the actual book yet! His words were tonight," Laness, this is good...a cover that makes me want to read it and written in a good way that comes straight from you, not a professional editor or writer"

Thank you all! God Bless

*This is Jason, Lanessa's husband. I kind of figured out her password so I could write my own blog about this.

Lanessa tends to abbrieviate things I say and some times I don't always say what I mean, so what I was trying to tell her after reading the book is that, I love that she wrote this from her persective and from what she remebers all happened. When you read this it feels like LANESSA is telling her story to you. It hasn't been edited or watered down by a professional. It hasn't been changed or over dramatized by someone who's only purpose is to sell more books. This is her heart on paper as true as it could be. Totally uncompromised. I love her so much for doing this. It is something I could never do and her faithfulness is astounding. I am just so proud of her. I pray this book will encourage you in Christ like it has me already.

Honey, I love you so much and I thank our savior daily for bringing you back to me.*

Every Single Day...

2009-06-07T17:12:00.005-05:00

I am thanking God. I am so grateful I am up and feeling wonderful and having so much fun! Mom and I went on our mother-daughter trip and had some much deserved time together eating, shopping and laying out on the beach...we took a kayak out one day, ate at my favorite restaurant - PF Changes, and I got a lot of summer clothes- all in a much smaller size than what I have bought the last summers (remember the last 4 summers I have been pregnant or just had a baby!)

Side note- if you are ever in Destin and want a great massage, see Donna. She was awesome and not as pricey, came to our hotel, set her table out on the balcony, and prayed over me at the end...such a sweet and carring lady I am so glad I found!

My dad came in after our trip to the beach and after hearing how fun it was, he mentioned he would like to go...so a few days later when a rainstorm was hitting Alabama, we headed to Florida for the most perfect sunshiny 2 days! (Jason was of course working and not coming home till late anyway) So we took off with the kids and went to the beach (again for me and mom). Just a quick two hour drive and we were building sandcastles, jumping on beds, and doing a zip line- WHAT???

That is right, dad and I have always wanted to sign up for the amazing race, so we tried our hand at a little adventure - a zip line across water about 80 feet up. He and I were harnessed in and took turns walking a "plank". Scary but really exciting!

Also, to throw this in, me and Dad have signed up for our first 5K in July in Austin, Tx!! I have always wanted to complete some kind of race, and even though I might not run the whole thing, or half, or third, or ANY, I am happy we are doing it to say at least I can!! My friends Sara might even join in (she has done a half marathon!) but will be in her 2nd trimester....so a preggo woman, a brain damaged lady, and a guy who has had his intestines taken out and put back in all running a race to prove to ourselves we can do it!

Here are lots of pictures in case you want to see...will post again soon! Jason- wish you were in these...I am proud of you working so hard, can't wait till we have family days together soon!

Changes

2009-05-18T20:04:00.002-05:00

For some reason I feel older. Yes I AM turning 29 this year (in August) but it's not the age, it is the maturity that I feel. Not trying to be boastful and say I am just too mature for myself, but I continually reminded of my mom when I say or do things. If I were to be half the woman my mom is I would feel accomplished.

As I have said plenty of times, everything that happened last year grew me, and to be honest I like who I am, and I think that is a big thing for a woman to say - "I like the way I am, there is not much I would change and I am comfortable in my own skin."

Trying to be perfect was something that I was always striving for, and I have come to realize that God does not demand perfection, but wants me to be a light for Him and to grow to be more like Christ everyday.

I have prayed for a gentler spirit when it comes to kids and a husband, and my prayers are being answered. Not to say I don't get frustrated or angry sometimes, but the quick tempered Lanessa is not too quick to anger anymore.

It is amazing what God can do with your heart if you ask Him to do some changes!

Gonna Do it...

2009-03-25T08:32:00.003-05:00

I have been thinking/praying/contemplating/deciding/wondering/and praying more if I should....write a book. That's right, this Biology Grad wants to do some writing. See, I have had about 5 people seriously tell me I should write a book on everything that happened last year...a military family, 4 boys, and a deadly disease that ends with the Lord doing some major healing. Spoke with my doctors again and both said repeatedly THIS WAS AN ABNORMAL OUTCOME- it was a miracle! Now, some days I have a hard time feeling this way b/c I see all the sad situations around me...cancer, divorce, failings, deaths...all that our God can heal. So why did he spare me? (having said this a MILLION TIMES) I have learned SO much about myself, Jason, my family, friends, church and most importantly God. See I am on a high- a high of thankfulness and closeness to my God, and I just want to shout it out!

I have decided to write my story for 3 reasons....

1. To shore with others about the glory of God and the truth in prayer
2. To keep it as a remembrance so I don't forget the awesomeness of God in this situation
3. For my children one day to read and understand maybe why He kept me around

There are some "inspirational" writing contests I have found, and plan to not worry to much about sending the book out to publishing companies, just perhaps self publish. This is something I am researching and seems to fit what I would want to do...have the people that want to read it, go to amazon and order it. I don't want to make much profit, just enough to maybe pay for the publishing, then some to give to our awesome church! If there was an "encephalitis" foundation to give out a vaccine I would so give to that!

I plan on getting my huge medical record folder from the hospital and possibly sitting down with the doctor that diagnosed me to ask him more questions.

Going to start soon, working on it at nights when the kids are in bed. I am very worried that people think this is a stupid idea- my problem being smaller than theirs, that they have been through so much worse. My response to this is God knows our limits, and I just couldn't deal with what others have to get through... He gives us each our own cross to bear, mine seemed heavy to me, while others look heavier, God might have known I would have buckled underneath it. That's right, as our pastor says, I have my "Mony". I have been tested and came out praising him and able to see why I went through it, giving me a "Testimony".

My Handsome Pilot

2009-03-21T13:40:00.007-05:00

Jason's parents, (they are down for a visit) me and the boys got up super excited to see Jason fly a helicopter today for family day!! He was flying the "practice" helicopter (that is what I call it) but he calls it the TH-67. He has been training and studying for months now, and now is feeling more comfortable in the air. He texted me his helicopter number so we would know which one was his. I have to say the whole time he has been studying I kinda compared flying to driving...not so! There is so many controls, levers and variables to think about. I was amazed and even teared up at the site of him controlling something that could come crashing down at any second. He did several different landings, and we saw him fly for a good hour or two. At one point I went up in the tower and got to go on the radio giving him wind speed- he had no idea it was me...finally I said "hello sweety it is me! and he still didn't know...maybe b/c I sounded so professional! The kids loved getting to see the many helicopters, eating pizza and running around. He eventually landed and walked out with his helmet and flight gloves on...(at this point I kinda put myself in a movie wishing he would walk up to me and scoop me up - "Officer and a Gentlemen like") We all sat around and asked questions, eventually getting to get in a TH-67 with Jason showing us around. It was a fun filled day- very exciting to see what all this hard work is for! He will continue training then select his aircraft (Blackhawks, Apaches, Kiowas or Chinooks), then after a hold, train on one of those helicopters. Looks like we will be out of here in about 1 year...maybe to Fort Hood, TX, maybe to Germany! Can't wait to see what God has in store for our family of 6.

God is So So Good

2009-01-30T18:59:00.004-06:00

So it has been a while since I have posted, and I know I have used this title before (I added an extra SO in there). If you see me driving around Alabama you might see me smiling and shaking my head in awe that is our Lord God who has blessed me beyond belief. Now I admit, a year ago before I got sick I would not have felt this before, but maybe that is one of the reasons God put me through that test. To say I came out Okay would be an understatement. I feel so ALIVE! Partly because I am, and because I feel like I have this second chance.

I am sorry I talk about what I went through the past year so much, but it really defined me for a while (the sick girl) and made me realize how much I want to work for the Lord, learn about his word, and keep living life to the fullest. I try to be kinder with my words now, not get angry so quickly and let things not get me down, or worry so much. I am completely honest that if the Lord needed to put me through a trial again I would welcome it to teach me more and let me grow deeper in my relationship with Him.

As far as my daily life is going...I have been SOOO blessed by my "helper" Wanda. She comes in 4 hours Monday thru Friday and cleans and watches the kids. She has so far gone beyond what I thought she would. I am so grateful for her help and to my family for paying her. I have been feeling okay, but can really get worn down if I do too much. So having her so I can shop by myself or take a quick nap is wonderful. Jason has started flight school, been studying hard, and passed his first test! He is doing simulators now, and will begin flying in a couple weeks. He has been busy but still tries to come in and play with the kids when he has time.

Well, I wish I had more exciting news, just that I am so happy and love being here in Alabama with all the kids and Jason. I know God has softened my heart and I am so grateful...I'm telling ya, if I had to do it all again I would- 28 screws and all!

Here's pictures of the boys...such cuties!

A Good Friend

2009-01-21T07:48:00.005-06:00

DO you have a good friend that you wish you could be more like? A good friend that you like their husband and enjoy their kids? I have several of these "good" ones and I feel very blessed because of this.

CYNDI AND I

Well I have been missing one of them and decided to go see her this past weekend. She lives at Fort Campbell where we were stationed last. Her name is Cindy and I miss her a lot. I knew we were going to be good friends when she came over my house for the first time to pick up her daughter I was watching and she was feeling so sick, tired, and pregnant she feel asleep on my couch! I remember tip-toeing around her and keeping the kids quiet so she could rest- poor thing. Anyways, she is going to be homeschooling her daughter and I had lots of books to bring to her. So Parker, Banner, and I took the 7 hour trip on Saturday to visit her family and spend some time catching up after everything that happened this year. The drive was fine and the boys did great (thank heavens for the new van that has the dvd player!). I was able to go back and visit our old church which was nice because I have wanted to see the people that had been praying for me and say thank you. The pastor that baptised me recognized me and it was good to see him. I was also able to go to a ladies Sunday school and was asked to tell my story of last year and how God has changed things in my life because of it. Very therapeutic for me. We went out for Chinese food, kids played lots, and Cyndi got to sit in quiet and talk about books, husbands, MOPS, kids, and our old knitting class we used to go to, and I can't tell you how much I miss that with her. She has such a sweet and mild heart - something I wish I had more of. I love that about her- always so calm and loving. She also can be pretty witty sometimes and make me laugh. Thank you Cyndi for letting us stay and for all the gifts- we had a blast!

CYNDI'S KIDS WITH PARKER AND BANNER

I also got to visit another good friend (Tina) while I was their and let her boys and mine play. She cooked me my favorite meal she makes and it was wonderful! I miss her too and wish I had her closer.

TINA'S BOYS WITH MINE

On Monday when we left it was snowing so hard! It was fun to drive through it and the kids loved watching it come down. I am so glad I went and can't wait to see my friends again.

THE HAT CYNDI KNITTED FOR CLARK - TOO CUTE!

Went Great !

2009-01-13T19:38:00.002-06:00

I was pretty excited to be walking out of Flowers Hospital today - the last time for this year (I am praying). The procedure went well. It of course started late, but this time the medication they gave me really worked. I was laying on the table praying, when all of a sudden I was woken up by a nurse telling me they were done! I did not feel a thing! They did go down my jugular vein and pulled the device out without a hitch. I saw my doctor that night and he has now taken me off of ALL my medications with exception to the blood thinner- that is only 1 small pill a day compared to like 28! I will stay on that for 6 months or until all my blood clots are gone. I was advised NOT to get pregnant again - and I convinced him I wouldn't.

I have learned to have faith in the prayers I am praying, and I think that had a lot to do with the day going so well. Thank you all for your prayers and phone calls. Love to you all, Lanessa

Back In...

2009-01-11T06:43:00.004-06:00

On Monday morning I am being admitted back into Flowers Hospital (for like the 82nd time) I am only expected to stay 24 hours. Basically if you remember THIS post, I had a vena cava filter put in (or should I say Jammed in) to catch any bloodclots going to my heart or lungs. The doctor now thinks I need it removed since I am done with all my surgeries and the filter was placed in a bad spot (too close to my kidney veins) and can cause problems down the way. I am unsure if it will be painful being taken out, or if this time they can put me out so I won't feel it...also unsure if he will take it out of my neck vein or my leg vein. There are a few complications - ripping of the vein or dislodging a blood clot. Anyways, hopefully this is THE END of my health problems over the last year, and I am praying for a hospital-free 2009 (with the exception of tomorrow). Be back Tuesday.

Here are some picture from Christmas I have been meaning to post.

This is So NEAT

2009-01-06T13:11:00.004-06:00

Well, maybe not to you, but to me this is cool to see! I have a follow up appointment with Dr. Becker, the neurosurgeon on Thursday but today he needed me to go have a cat scan of my head ("to make sure he put things in the right place") those were his words- Comforting! Anyways, they gave me a disk to give him to look at on Thursday of all the picture the cat scan took...here are two. you can see the screws in both! I am feeling great and will be headed back to the hospital sometime next week to take the filter out- eeck! Not worried though, God's got me this far!

you can see my new necklace mom and dad got me, a James Avery heart that says "Expect a Miracle" so true.

**CLick on the pictures to see them larger and count my screws - think 28!**

God is So Good

2008-12-14T20:38:00.002-06:00

We are about to head out to Texas...we went to church and Sunday school and Jason and I both enjoyed the sermon and class lesson so much. I finally got to put NOTHING down for a prayer request as far as my health, and was happy to put a praise down- I am feeling SO good, better than I have in 4 months! I am having more energy everyday and since the bone plate was put back on, I have had NO headaches, taken no pain medicine! God fulfilled his promises to me, and I have grown so much thru this trial. My appetite is back and for the first time in months, I felt like cleaning and scrap booking. See, I was worried I would have to get on an anti-depressant since the doctors were saying I had "situational depression" mixed with postpartum. Today I woke up and felt the cloud had lifted and spent a lot of time in prayer at church being ever so thankful. God is so good, and He will carry you through life's storm like He did for me. He promises that to us, and he will fulfill that promise, just trust in Him. Here is one of my favorite verses that helped me through...(especially bold 8 &9) (very much pertained to me when using the walker)

I am all smiles...love to you all, Lanessa

Psalm 116
1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.

2 Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave [a] came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

4 Then I called on the name of the LORD :
"O LORD, save me!"

5 The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.

6 The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.

7 Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,

9 that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.

Our Christmas Eve

2008-12-11T22:29:00.003-06:00

Since we are leaving for Texas on Monday, we had our "Christmas eve" tonight! The boys got thier baths and then were given a new set of pj's. Then a small bowl of ice cream and a Christmas movie. THey were off to bed SO excited to open presents in the morning. They are each getting 3 presents from mom and dad (b/c Jesus got 3) and one big one to share- a trampoline that Jason in now putting together in the cold. I stuffed their stockings with candy and small toys and wrapped their gifts. Each is getting a movie, a camping backpack with a sleeping bag, and a nerf gun they have been wanting! I think I am just as excited to see their faces. Santa left a note to peek in the backyard to see what he brought! Will post pics as soon as I can, but here is the tree with the presents underneath, some of their new pj's and a few others of our gingerbread house. Clark helped keep me company while I wrapped gifts.

(oh and I got my staples out today - everything looks good!)

Don't Look Now! Warning, Graphic Content

2008-12-05T12:29:00.004-06:00

It is a first for me too to see my head with staples. I was unconscious the first time when they took the bone out...now I am all put back together and am feeling great under the circumstances. I do have some swelling left to go down. I am trying to decide how to go home (cap, bandanna, or bandages) to not scare the kids too much. I guess I will be wearing my wig out too before I get the staples out on the 11th. How great is it that is is all over, and I feel whole now. I am so excited about Christmas and seeing all our extended family in Texas. I am going to try to take it really easy and rest up for the coming year with Jason back in school full time and me at home with the kids. Thank you for your prayers and I am glad my post are going to be happy ones!

More pics from Jason

2008-12-04T14:31:00.013-06:00

The doctor told us Laness should be home by Saturday, its longer than we expected her to be there, but she has had a low grade fever they want to make sure is gone. Besides the pain and swelling which they tell us is normal, all is well with her. Here are a few more pics, we got our christmas tree the day before she went into the hospital so we spent that evening decorating.

yep, Parker feels he is old enough to dress himself now. Not sure I agree, but it is one less kid to get ready, so have at it man.

West worked so hard on that one ornament, when it would fall he'd get so mad.

This is one of Lanessa's favorite parts of christmas - her and her boys decorating the tree.

Between an 8ft tree, balancing on a window seal and arm of a sofa, and with a 40 pound kid this was not the smoothist of placing the star on top of the tree.

Pics from Jason

2008-12-03T17:07:00.012-06:00

Laness is doing fine, she is in alot of pain but its nothing we didn't expect. She should be home by friday or saturday. I wanted to post some pictures of stuff just to let everyone know we are not all surgery's and hospital visits hope you enjoy.

Got no clue where the fourth one is

First time trying to eat some food

This kid looks pretty good in a uniform

Me and my wife going on a date....finally!

If your wondering he did finally make it

He loves being on his tummy

Never thought I'd be the guy who dressed all his kids the same, had a minivan or even had four kids, but they are cute

He likes this thing just alittle bit can u tell

Loved it a little to much didn't he, can't believe he'll be 4 months on the 8th

One More Time

2008-11-29T17:46:00.002-06:00

I am headed to the hospital Monday to have my surgery to put (well drill)the bone back on my head. I will be in surgery starting at 9:30am. Hopefully it will go as planned and I will be back home 2 days after. It is a little more nerve racking knowing you are about to go under the knife, then being unconscious like I was last time. My parents will be here to help me recover. This will also relieve the headaches. I also saw the neurologist and he gave me great news, basically it will be about a year before my brain heals itself, but the good thing is that it WILL heal. Everything I have been experiencing is quite normal to where the damage was. Hope to be back on here on Wednesday or Thursday. Hope everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving, and I think I can top any ones "here is what I am thankful for" -- I am thankful to be alive!

My new hair

2008-11-10T14:41:00.002-06:00

is now synthetic...kinda reminding me of a barbie. Mom and I went to a wig shop and I tried on lots of styles, but in the end, a natural brown and shoulder length cut looked the best.

THe Smell of Asphalt

2008-11-08T16:02:00.003-06:00

is pretty strong especially when your laying on it. My headaches have been so bad lately that they make me nauseated and I don't feel like eating. Today I went to Wal-mart with Banner and after shopping for a couple hours, then walking the parking lot trying to find my car, I passed out behind the van I thought was mine. I came to when 3 men were yelling about calling an ambulance. I quickly told them not to, that I just had brain surgery and my blood pressure must have dropped and I hadn't eaten lunch. I tried and tried to unlock the van to put the groceries in, to find out it was not my car. The men then found My van, unloaded my groceries, then 2 of them prayed for me. Jason did not want me driving home, so he came and got me. The good thing is, I fell on the side that still has bone. I just am having a hard time with the headaches, and short term memory. See it isn't that I forgot where I parked, it is I don't even remember parking in the first place. At least some good people were around to help me and pick me off Wal-marts parking lot! Lanessa

These Boys of Mine...

2008-11-02T15:08:00.005-06:00

LOVE Superheros!! Of course if you don't know already they all have been named after a different one that my husband picked out... And unsurprisingly these crazy kids just had to dress up as the character they were named after! Here are some pics of our very fun night on halloween. I passed out candy and Jason took them around our neighborhood in a wagon going door to door. Clark stayed with me (we didn't find him a baby superman outfit) and loved getting attention from everyone getting candy. Our house I must say was very fun and festive - decorated by my dad and Jason who worked to put lights up and fall decorations my mom had found. Though I hate the massive amount of candy in the house, (you know Jason and I have gone thru it to get our favorites) we had fun getting to be a family making memories and I was counting my blessings since I was so worried I was going to miss this night being in the hospital. I was thankful to see so many smiles on the kids faces.

Jason - Super Husband

2008-10-29T18:51:00.004-05:00

I've been meaning to write this post since I've been home, but haven't found the time. I just wanted to brag on Jason and how well he handled our hard time these last months. I had no idea what he had done in the beginning till people started telling me. He was by my side most of the time, praying and reading from the bible while I was in ICU unconscious. He said he would whisper things like "please don't die" and hated that he couldn't kiss me on the lips because of the breathing tube in the way. Not only was he worried about me, but he tried to do as much as he could with the kids. Once all our help was gone back to Texas, he took the household chores for himself and getting up with Clark for night feedings. He has done so many small things that add up to so much. He took so much time driving to come see me, buying and hooking up a DVD player in my room, watch me do therapy, slept on the hard floor so I wouldn't be alone my first night in a new hospital, would bring me food, help me take showers, get me anything i needed basically so that i was comfortable. He made it a point to bring one of the kids to see me so I could spend time with them. There are so many things I could tell you, but mostly that if you want to see your husbands love put to test just get a harmful disease and have life saving surgery--just kidding, but I have seen him in action take our vows seriously - "in sickness and in health" - and he did a wonderful job.

He is now back at work, and still is such a big help at home when he gets home so I can rest. I love him so much and I believe this has grown us so much closer. I am glad to see such a good thing come from a bad situation!

MRI Results

2008-10-22T12:48:00.004-05:00

I had my MRI yesterday. If you have ever had one done, you know they are very loud and you also wear headphones with music - so it is not at all peaceful...i was hoping to get some quiet time to talk to God about the results and how much I wanted them to be normal. I had tears running down my face instead, as a song that Parker and I used to sing and dance to came on. Later that night the radiology tech called to get some info, and told me the MRI was not normal at all..I was in tears again. Deep down I was hoping it was going to show a completely healthy brain and the last 2 weeks of medication had gotten rid of any virus still in my head.

This morning my doctor came in and said the MRI looked exactly like the one done 2 weeks ago. He then said he had put a call in to a specialist at another hospital and he would more than likely call back in 2-3 days. At that moment my doctor got a call from the specialist. He said that was defiantly a "God thing". They talked for about 10 minutes and come to find out this specialist is doing a research study on the effects of encephalitis on the brain. Come to find out I may never have a normal MRI because the virus leaves damage on the brain. Thankfully my damage is not in my sight, hearing or other things. The headaches and fever I had before must have been from something else, and the fatigue I have could be from the damage in the brain. This specialist also said that it was good I went back into the hospital for the last 2 weeks to receive the medication as a preventative. So guess what now???

I AM GOING HOME FOR GOOD!!! I am on only 2 medications, no more shots, and hopefully will start feeling totally well! Not sure when they are doing the bone surgery, but that is the least of my worries since it is a 2 day recovery...

How great our God is that he can turn the devastating news I got (abnormal MRI) into a good thing! So I'll just have some brain damage, but not on any part that effects me physically (but just some easily tiredness). That I can deal with, and maybe that is just God telling me to slow down!

Dramatically Abnormal

2008-10-21T16:24:00.004-05:00

I just laugh everytime I say that..."dramaticlly anormal" was the words written on my last MRI scan about my brain that put me back into the hospital. My doc came today to see me and felt like the 2 weks I've been getting the strong anti-viral medication by IV might allow me to have a "normal" MRI..that's it, I need to have a normal brain to go get the bone put back on and then HOME (if there is no complications from surgery, which knowing me could easily happen!)

Anyways, not sure when the scan will be, could be today, could be next week. Here's hoping for normalsy! Lanessa

Dayddreaming

2008-10-20T15:33:00.005-05:00

So i am sure most of you out there might daydream about a night out or vacation away..but not me! For some reason I have been daydreaming about my time when I finally get home and all I want to do...I need to go thru the boys winter clothes, and organize their closet...and I am excited to do this! I also am so excited to get back to cooking!! i have been going over and over all the recipes the family enjoys and now have the time to go to my favorite website allrecipes.com and pick out some new ones. I can make an organized meal list for the coming weeks and make grocery lists...can I tell you how excited i am! weird I know, but I just can't wait to be a MOM agan! Though I went to college and graduated with a biology degree, I don't think there would be another job I would enjoy more than just being a homemaker. Sucks that I haven't gotten to for months now. i am trying to stay positive each day but it is really hard when Clark is about to roll over and halloween is next week, and I am missing it all. I feel I don't know him since I have lost all memory of having him and the time I had him a few days old before going unconsious. I pray there will be a bond between us- mother and son and I haven't been replaced by all the helpers that basically have raised him.

I am rambling, so off to find some recipes- if you have a good kid friendly one let me knhow! Thank you all that leave your comments, they make me smile and are always encouraging! love, Lanessa

**ps- i would not recommend watching the food chanel when you are getting hospital food..anyone want to bring me a steak with mushrooms and potatoes?? just kidding, dang bobby flay why can't you cook for this hospital!

Hello out there!

2008-10-19T10:28:00.003-05:00

Well here I am, no not home, but in room 4317 at the Southeast Alabama Medical Center! Jason has a friend from work who allowed us to borrow a laptop and the hospital room I am in surpeisingly has wireless internet! Jason sounded a little ticked off in that last post didn't he? I have amazingly taken this pretty good. Yes it sucks being here and not seeing the kids, but i would rather get this all over with than to keep coming back and forth from home. This way we will know the disease is gone for good and hopefully I will feel 100% when I do get home. The big thing I do have to get through is putting the bone back into my skull- a 4x4 piece that fits right in like a puzzle piece. I was thinking that the doc would just open up my skin and ft it in- Wrong! He has to screw it into a metal bar that is then screwed into the other bone...kinda scary huh? Anyways, it hasn't been too bad here, though I have everyone by about 45 years and I am guessing from what I have seen I am the only patient that can walk and not on a ventalator, it is really sad to see so many people sick. I walk the halls and smile at some, maybe I'll meet one one day. I am pretty bored, so you might be hearing a lot from me! Bye for now.

Lanessa

2008-10-09T18:20:00.005-05:00

Well it has been along few days so let me recap for you.

Laness has still constantly felt bad since she came home from the hospital with nausea and headaches. The doctors have continued to tells us different reasons for all these pains, whether it be a side effect to medicine or not having her bone plate in. Naturally we accepted them as the problems because it made perfect sense. The only problem was that nothing they did or gave her every really helped. We have always known this was going to be a long recovery so Laness just delt with it hoping in time it would get better. After all she has been through we know she is going to be in pain for awhile no matter what.

Tuesday she really started to feel worse and run alittle fever over 100 degrees. She decided to just call one of her doctors from her time in the hospitial Dr. Hewitt, he is an infectious diease doctor and he is the one who diagnosed her with encphilitis to begin with. She was able to talk to him over the phone and after she told him how she had been feeling he wanted to get an MRI done on her. She didn't ask to get that done she just wanted to know some things about recovering from encphilitis. Needless to say we are very glad she had it done.
She went in yesterday and had an ultrasound done for her blood clots and then the MRI. The clots are slowly looking better and that was good news, but last night Dr. Hewitt called with the results to her MRI and that was bad news. He said he was very surprised by what he saw because he wanted to look and see if there was a lot of fluid build up in her head and maybe drain some. He thought that may be causing some of her symptons. What he found was the encphilitis had come back and was progressing. He thinks it never was completely gone and had just been smoldering in her brain. This was the worst thing Laness could have heard because she has always worried about this but we were told no one has relapses after getting 21 days of treatment like she did. Its getting really frustrating always telling her she is getting better and not to worry and then getting punched in the face with news like this.

Anyway she was re-admited today after three other specialist looked at her MRI and confirmed it is encphlitis. They did catch it much earlier this time so they said she should not go through what all happened last time. Dr. Hewitt does want to treat her for 21 more days and then do another MRI and treat her for 7 more days after that. He doesn't want to keep her in the hospital that long but does want her to go to an acute care clinic (or nursing home for younger people) for the next 3 or 4 weeks till she has completely kicked this thing for good.

So she is going to have to be gone for another month or so in an empty hospital room getting poked and proded while being away from her home, away from her boys and away from me.

-Jason

In a Million Years...

2008-10-07T11:32:00.003-05:00

"Never in a million years I thought I would be doing this" I have been saying this the past over a few things...here is a few reasons why-

A few weeks ago, my first day out at Wal-mart in months, my mom and I had to get lots of grocerys, I had to drive one of those moterized scooters! I was somewhat embarrased at the looks, but it was kinda fun! And NO I was not wearing my helmet- that would just be too much. My mom teared up because she was so proud of me! (Of course my parents were just overjoyed at things like me being able to brush my own teeth or sit up bymyself at the hospital) She would walk beside me and clear the way. DId you know those things beep when you go in reverse and they have horns!

My husband shaved my head since I am going to have it done again for the next surgery and I didn't want it to start growing out yet. It was getting a little poofy, so he shaved it. Then we noticed that his hair was longer than mine. Never in a million....

Today I gave up total control and ha 2 sweet ladies come adn clean my house! My caring dad felt like I shouldn't be expending all my energy doing the hard stuff- floors and bathrooms, so he arranged for them to come and paid them. It was nice to just sit and spend time schooling Parker while my home was getting clean. It was hard letting that go to someone else's control, but in the end, really nice. Thanks dad!

Those are a few things I never thought I would see happen...oh well it makes me smile to think of them and I hope I don't forget them. They will be great stories for my kids later on, or even grandkids!

The Overachievers

2008-10-05T21:36:00.003-05:00

In regards to the last blog, I wanted to individually thank a few of the "overachievers"- the ones that did way more for me and the family than I ever could imagine. Here we go...

...THE BROTHER-IN-LAW - Chris came from Texas the night I went into SURGERY to be with Jason, his younger brother. His walking up to my bed in ICU is my first memory out of being unconscious. He then started blogging so Jason wasn't taking tons of phone calls every day...and if you haven't read his blog, you should...this guy can write! His words were so sweet about me, and I will cherish every word he typed. He has even called several times to check on me and allows me to vent, with him saying all the right words I need to hear. Thank you Chris for your love and time spent on me the last months.

...THE PARENTS - Well my parents came to Alabama to be here for my birthday and Clarks birth, they ended up staying 2 months away from their home in Texas and their business. They spent hours and days up at the hospital. Then they were here to help with the kids and the house when I got home. My dad cleaned, played with the boys, and would work with me doing physical therapy excersizes. His words always pushed me to keep going and were always so encouraging. My mom did laundry, woke up with Clark at night and kept the boys busy with games and walks. She was my comforter, listening to me as I wept about things and would always be so nurturing. I hated to see them go knowing I couldn't have been so far along without them staying.

...THE IN-LAWS - They also came from Texas when I had my surgery. They stayed weeks helping with the boys so Jason could be up at the hospital with me. They also cleaned, got up at night feeding, painted furniture, went shopping for us, and helped do some schooling for Parker. Thank you guys for all you did (some of which I probably don't even know)

...THE VISITORS FROM AFAR - Again from Texas, my best friends Sara and Brandon also Susan and Jason all took time out of work and school to come to see me. How sweet to spend your money and time just to come check on a friend. Sorry if I was kinda out of it and couldn't visit as much as I'd like- guess I did just have brain surgery! love you guys

Kim - a friend from AL who has organized babysitters and was one herself for days! That is a LOT since I got so many kids- thank you Kim for being so great to me!

I am saving a special blog entry for my husband Jason, believe me you won't believe what this guy had to go thru and decisions he had to make, and all he is still doing now to help make me comfortable.

Thank You

2008-10-03T13:00:00.002-05:00

I have been meaning to write this for a few days, going over what I would like to say every night as I go to sleep. This trial in my life the last month has shaken me spiritually too, not just physically. To wake up one day in a hospital room, nurses buzzing around you, IV’s in you and then to have a doctor you don’t know come in to tell you you had brain surgery was mind blowing, then to realize you can’t talk, can’t walk and your head has been shaved was even harder. I can’t remember anything before all this, so I had no idea the prayers that had been prayed. I did not find out till some time after how serious things got and how close to death I was. I am still to this day processing this. Though I am now up on my feet I can now say my spiritual walk with Christ is back on track too. See, to be perfectly honest I was very angry with God because I felt he kept me from death, but left me unable to take care of myself much less four children – I was so weak for so long, and in so much pain. Though I would pray sometimes, it was never heartfelt since I felt I had been forgotten and wasn’t loved enough to be helped.
I have now realized that I can see Christ’s love for me though this whole ordeal. – He was at my bedside in the faces of my friends that came to see me. It was in the faces of my Sunday school class that came to pray over me, the leaders from my church, and my parents and brother. My mother and father-in-law, brother-in-law, and sister-in-law, and of course my husband. Jesus was there then watching over me – Thank you to those that represented Him
To those that couldn’t make my side, your prayers meant just as much. Thank you for believing that Christ could pull me out of the brain swelling and surgery alive. I have been learning to ask specifically to God what I am needing, and your prayers of hope and healing is exactly what I need.
There have been days I pleaded to be taken to heaven, but I am hoping that the reason this happened is so I can be a light for Christ and have the opportunity to share about Him. I am confidant that He does love me and that I am his child and that this happened for HIS reason. This realization makes me happier than being able to walk again!

Did you know we have had meals come every other night since this started?
Did you know I had girls I hardly know lend me a changing table and glider for the baby?
Did you know I now have formula and diapers till Clark is a year old?
Did you know women would come and play and do crafts with my children?
Did you know I had babysitters come anytime I needed, for long hours?
Did you know we never had to worry about $ for Jason’s gas and food?
Did you know I had churches all over the US praying for me?
Did you know I had a flower arrangement or gift sent to me every week?
Did you know I had a nurse make a CD of Christian singers she thought I would like?
Did you know I had my OB doc bring me a smoothie I wanted as a surprise?
Did you know my whole Sunday school came to pray over me?

Yes, they wrote an article in the paper about ME, but this trial has been about YOU, the person who cared enough to come, pray, and encourage. Thank you.

If you can see, I had nothing to do with this- my family and church showed what Jesus taught us…to love thy neighbor as thyself.

Yet Again...

2008-09-29T10:27:00.003-05:00

My surgery had to be pushed back again- 1 more month. I remember a friend going through a hard time and she kept saying she just wanted to be on the other side of her trial so she could start healing...this is exactly how I feel. When I get skull put back on I can start sleeping, not wear my helmet that gives me headaches, and possibly get off a few of the 20 pills I take everyday. Here's what happened...It was one of the worse days of my life.

Jason and I got to the hospital at 7am, waited hours till they finally came to do all my bloodwork- which sucks b/c all my veins are ruined and it is hard to find veins to take blood, hence lots of digging that morning. Then they had me go down to have an ultrasound on my legs and 1 arm that had the blood clots in them. The technician said they all looked a lot better! Then it was on to the scary procedure I told you about. They gave me some benydryl like stuff to make me sleepy and started pushing a tube up my top leg where there is a large vein. There the doctor stopped and said there was such a big blood clot up in my abdomen he could not get through. Now comes the bad part. The doctor says well, we'll have to go through the neck- that is right, the jugular vein. The nurses held my hands down and he started SHOVING this tube through. He got it in, then had to push the wire devise through (here is a pic)

...I was screaming to stop, nurses were basically pinning me down and there was a lot of blood. It went on for about 15 minutes, I am crying and then I see my neurologist walk in and say there was no way he could do the procedure till these blood clots go away. I BEG him, please. He said it would ruin my kidneys and I would have to do dialysis, still I said I didn;t care but wanted this all to be over. I left the hospital very upset and now have to tackle these blood clots with a shot and pill everyday of bloodthinners (the side effects are not fun) and lab work twice a week. Maybe in a month they will be gone and I'll have the surgery.

Front Page

2008-09-23T12:21:00.003-05:00

I was on the front page of the paper today!! Here's the link to the Dothan Eagle's article...HERE

Lets Have a Party

2008-09-22T17:34:00.005-05:00

Come join me for my party---go to the nearest dumpster and look inside for me --- there I am "down in the dumps". And this party is not a birthday but a PITY party, I've been having them everyday complete with tears and anger, occationally some yelling. See I am trying to get thru this trial in a Christian manner-- reading scripture, praying, finding rest in Christ, and for some reason it is hard- I just want to look at the bad or the inconvient things that I now have in my life. I'm going to go ahead and list some...first of all I have 0 endurance...going upstairs warrants a nap. I have horrible headaches that comes with nausea, my legs and ankles are so swollen from the blood clots they are starting to bruise and has now given me more streach marks along with pain. I have side effects from the ton of medicine I take...listen to this one---I have "extensive" blood clots in my legs hense me taking a shot twice a day that jason gives me in the stomach (a blood thinner) The side effects of this is that for every shot I get a bruise on my abdomen and now it has turned completly purple. The other effect is that I stay freezing all day- completly annoying. Jason literaly blow dryed my feet and legs yesterday because I couldn't get warm. I also have not been able to sleep because I can't sleep on one side of my head and the headaches keep me up. The Ambien is helping though.

To top things off, I have my skull surgery to replace the open spot. I had a doctors appointment today and found out I now have to have another procedure right before the surgery. Basically they are putting a tube in my groin that has a metal claw devise that will be threaded up to my heart valve. This is to catch any blood clots that my travel up to my lungs and kill me. sounds fun huh? Then on to the brain surgery...
I won't end this on a bad note, I have had a few moments the past few days that truley made me smile. First we joined the church and I got 2 standing ovations! The church we go to has been so supportive during this time. Also dad took me swimming at the pool on post and I did really well. We excersized doing aerobics and I dog paddled back and forth. The water seemed to wash my self loathing away.

I know we have all had trials, I don't mean to make my worse that someone elses... I just am having a hard time with the recovery rather than the actual surgery. I also have been very humbled by this..People stare and look at me I guess because I am so young with a walker and a helmet. Half the time I think I might headbutt them with my helmet. And my sweet mom took me clothes shopping and had to physically help me put every item on.

The thing is I have had my job stripped from me and that has hurt the most. My very loving parents are here just to help our famiy and have cooked, cleaned, and helped with kids, laundry, and getting me around. I have no stamina to do all this by myself, so while I accept the help and very much appreciate it, it is hard to realize once they leave, I might not be able to do this by myself anymore. I also had my in-laws come for weeks to help - thank you so much!!

Thanks to all of you that have send words of complete encouragement, love and support. I have had so many prayers I know and I can't explain how much I KNOW it helped. I have heard over and over "it will just take time" so please steer away from that- I might scream!!! Love you all!!

My new favorite verse---I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

I'm Back !!!!

2008-09-19T15:06:00.012-05:00

Baby CLark

Well, I am so excited to be back in this computer chair...if you haven't read on my brother-in-laws blog, I have been thru the ringer! I had baby Clark in August and am just now getting home from the hospital...I had to have brain surgery after getting encephalitis, you can read his blog to hear the whole story.

But I am on the road to recovery...I can walk with a cane or a walker, but the big blessing is that I have no mental problems. AND that I didn't die...it is really weird to wake up in a hospital and be told..."you almost died on us and then you had brain surgery". I could barley hold my head up and standing was nearly impossible. NOw I am walking.

I have to go back this Wednesday to have another surgery to put back the skull bone they took out but the recovery time is only 1-2 days which makes me happy...I am SICK of being in a hospital after being in one for 6 weeks.

Thank you all who knew for the e-mails and the words of encouragement! Here are some pictures of me FINALLY getting to take care of Clark. PLEASE disregard the haircut...had to be done for the surgery :(

I'm adding the first post from my brothers blog...sumerizes the story.

*From Chris's Blog*
If I have your phone number then you certainly know by now that my sweet sweet sister in law is sick.

Let me see if I can reset the entire situation for you:

On August 8, Lanessa gave birth to Clark Elliot Allman. Jay and Lanessa deviated from the middle name-monotony in the Allman family (Dennis Brian, Christopher Brian, Jason Brian, Parker Brian, Banner Brian, West Brian) to honor the memory of our "nephew" Elliot Skaggs. Elliot is the son of Brandon and Sara Skaggs.

Clark is their fourth child (all boys) so giving birth to Lanessa is pretty routine. She has more kids than I have had girlfriends in my life. (4 kids-1 girlfriend...not that I have a problem getting girls. I am actually quite a ladies man...i'm incredibly off topic right now.)

Anyway.

Not long after she gave birth she began experiencing high fever and some pretty intense headaches. As the week went on her fever kept, her headaches continued and she began to experience some disorientation. The symptoms got worse a couple of days later as she didn't know who Jason was on one day and on another tried to get up out of the bed and take out all of tubes because she didn't realize where she was or why she was in the hospital.

They began to treat her for encephalitis, though they weren't 100% sure that's what it was. On Friday the staff here at Flowers Hospital in Dothan decided to put Lanessa into the intensive care unit so they could monitor her and give her the proper care. She had a decent day on Saturday but Sunday was a bit of a down day.

Then on Monday night I got a phone call from my brother as I was sitting down to dinner with Eric Jackson in Plano. Lanessa had severe swelling in her brain and if it didn't go down they would have to remove a portion of her skull to relieve the pressure. If they didn't do that they were afraid that she might not make it through the night.

That was the absolute worst phone call I have ever gotten in my life.

My heart just wrenched on so many levels. Poor Lanessa. Poor Jason. Those poor boys.

I stood outside the Snuffers off Preston Road and needed some way to magically transport to Dothan, Alabama to be by my brother's side. I didn't know what to do. Should I just drive straight to the airport? Should I gas up the truck and drive through the night? I just wanted to be there to fix the situation.

I realized very quickly that there was nothing I could do right then but pray with my brother. We prayed on the phone and I just asked God for mercy. That was the only word that came to mind. I just asked the Lord to have mercy on my sister-in-law.

It was the most helpless spot I have ever been in in my entire life. And folks, if you ever tried to watch me play defense on the basketball court, that is saying something.

I raced home (stopping to pay the tolls along the way, mind you) and started looking for the first flight out. Unfortunately the first thing I could get was a Tuesday morning flight so once it was booked and I went out to my usual Monday night CWF Bible study to be around my boys and spend time in prayer.

It was the strangest drive of my life.

I was making the same drive that I make every Monday and its usually one that brings me great joy. But on this particular trip I was just praying that the phone wouldn't ring. I was afraid my brother was going to call me and tell me that my sister in law was gone. It's hard to even type this right now, thinking back to it.

This is where things started to happen that really surprised me. I had called Jerrod Wittman and asked that he and Kristi start praying. He assured me that they would and about five minutes later I got a call from Jeff Mangum, a long-time friend who I hadn't talked to in a long time.

I have known Jeff probably since I was 12 or 13 and have always counted him a man of God but I didn't expect to hear from him at that moment. It was an incredible gesture and I am assuming I have Jerrod to thank for making that call.

I'm gonna skip ahead a little - past Bible Study. My sister drove up from Austin with Becky and Carly Skaggs (you will notice the Skaggs are in this story a lot. They're kind of important to us Allmans) and she got to my apartment about 12:45 a.m.

I had just talked to my mom and she told me that they had decided to take Lanessa into surgery to relieve some of the pressure on her brain. If the swelling of your brain is on a number system during your everyday normal activities then it usually rests at a 0 or even a -2 or -3 if you are sedated. Or high. Or Brandon Skaggs.

Lanessa's number had jumped all the way up between 40-45 which is really a critical point. If they didn't do the surgery she would most likely die.

I was actually quite relieved that they had decided to do the surgery only because I am a human and I am a fan of action and not reaction. I didn't want them to wait and see if the swelling got worse. I wanted them to do the procedure and start the healing process. Actually I was ready to give her my brain at that point but I don't imagine Lanessa would want to be saddled with thoughts of Diet Pepsi and wrestling for the rest of her life so I opted against it.

The surgery was successful from the standpoint that it dropped her pressure numbers down into the twenties. I think 23 is the number that I saw when I arrived at the hospital on Tuesday at about 2:30.

The moment we got to the hospital I dropped my stuff in the room, kissed my new nephew Clark and went straight up to ICU.

I walked in that room totally unannounced and I think I startled my brother and the entire King family. What I saw completely startled me.

There was my beautiful sister in law with a monitor implanted in her head and under an array of bandages was a 4x4 inch hole in her skull that they had removed. I was stunned.

Since Lanessa had gotten sick, I had managed to keep it together emotionally. I had calmed my father, mother, brother and sister while they cried on the phone and tried to be a rock.

Now I as stood just a few feet from her I had to look down at the ground to keep from losing it.

When I was 14 my grandmother got sick with ovarian cancer and I remember my grandfather telling her that he wished he could switch places with her. I KNOW Jason felt that way at that moment but so did I. This beautiful, faithful, loving mother of four needed to be on her feet and with her husband and sons. The world of golf would certainly survive without me.

I stayed in the room for just a few minutes before I went back out in the hall to wait - and to compose myself. It was so surreal to see her like that. But it was also confirmed to me that this is the toughest woman I have ever known in my life. Being an Army wife, raising three sons while pregnant and doing it while my brother is gone for long periods of time made me respect her so much but this takes it to another level.

Now I grew up in church and I gave my whole heart and soul to Christ when I was 20. I know that none of us deserve good things that happen. I also know that God doesn't give us disease or hardship based on the levels our our transgressions. I know that God is a God who has a plan and a way that He does things. They are often times a mystery but thats okay - I don't need to know why.

In the last six days I have asked myself why this is happening to Lanessa. To Jason. To the boys. But the question is not asked out of anger or confusion. It's been more like "Okay Lord, what do you want us to learn from this. Why are you doing this? How can your glory be known through this?".

I might be getting sentimental but I believe my sister in law would gladly endure this again if she knew what God was doing through her suffering.

Jay and Lanessa have neighbors named Randy and Kacey and their sons Brody and Decker. On the Monday before Lanessa had Clark, their neighbor Kacey accepted Christ. I told Jay that I believed that watching Christians handle adversity would have a profound impact on Randy.

He accepted Christ on Friday.

Maybe that's it. Maybe that is the ONLY reason Lanessa got sick. If it is then praise God.

I don't know if that's the reason Lanessa is sick. I don't know if their is a reason. I just know that in place of a reason I have seen results. I have seen what the body of Christ is supposed to be.

Jason and Lanessa attend Hillcrest Baptist Church in Enterprise, Alabama. Their Sunday School has been absolutely remarkable in the last week. I've met all of the staff, their friends Mike and Kim, Randy and Kacey and on Tuesday night about 20 people were in the lobby to greet my brother. They have been at the hospital, they have been at the house, they have been everywhere meeting needs. On Sunday morning the pastor devoted the first half of his message to Lanessa. People are sacrificing their own time to be their for Jason and Lanessa and the boys. I can't put into words how much of a model these people are. I'm blown away.

Notice I said that Jason and Lanessa "attend" Hillcrest. They aren't even members yet and they are receiving unreal support! Although as Jay put it, "When we get through this we are definitely joining. And we aren't even waiting for the invitation. We're just walking to the front during the welcome."

(On a side note, every time I talked to my dad before I got here he told me he was in Enterprise. I was honestly trying to figure out why my father chose to spend so much time at a rental car facility but that's neither here nor there.)

Anyway, it's Sunday evening now - six days since we really thought we might lose her. There have been good days (Tuesday and Wednesday) and not so good (Thursday and today have been a little rough) but Lanessa is still fighting.

She has such a neat relationship with my brother and such an awesome sense of humor. When she first got the breathing tubes out after surgery she told my brother not to come back until he had shaved, brushed his teeth and put on a new shirt.

Another day, she noticed a nurse checking my brother out and kindly reminded Jay that a male nurse had given her a sponge bath. Of course, no one heard her because we were all laughing too loud at the idea of a male nurse.

Obviously we are in better shape here in Dothan, Alabama than we were a week ago and all glory goes to God. I don't completely understand the process that God goes through when someone encounters tragedy and I don't understand why some people are healed and others aren't. When I pray with my brother these days we thank God for who He is. For mercy, grace, healing, salvation, joy and trials. And then we just pray to be in His will. We pray that it's in His plan for Lanessa to recover 100%.

But we also pray that we would be equipped for whatever the result may be. But as I have told some of you, God has recently been teaching me about taking GREAT joy in the process and not the result. So that's what we are doing here - thanking God for this challenge and humbly asking for the strength to face the next one.

It's Sunday evening right now and my brother just left a meeting with the nuerosurgeon Dr. Derek Shepard.

Just kidding, his name is Dr. Becker.

There was some concern about Lanessa's anti-seizure medicine and what it was doing to her kidneys and liver. He is going to start slowly hydrating her so that he can change out her anti-seizure medicine. My brother is encouraged and feels good about her progress but there are still some major roadblocks ahead. Specifically pneumonia or other infections that might creep in.

But as I sit here and stare out the windows of this hospital I see an absolutely beautiful evening with the sun setting amidst the green landscape of Southeastern Alabama. Not five hours ago we were getting hammered with the storms of Tropical Storm Fay and now the sun is too bright to look at through this tinted glass.

It's a perfect metaphor for what we are hoping for. After the violent storms of recent days we are looking forward to a God-given sunny day when Lanessa can tell you all about her recovery herself. We are praying expectantly for healing and praising our Father for every single thing that happens.

And we are seeing the Glory of God shine bright like this Alabama sunset. So big. So bright. Pumping rays of sunlight into our lives despite the tinted view of our human nature. He is so good.

I had a very hard time at the beginning..having the "it is not fair" thoughts and teh "why did this happen to me" Why a mother of 4 is now having a hard time walking, can't drive and has to wear a helmet, and missed Clarks first 6 weeks of life, and gets exhausted every hour, and is taking 14 pills a day. I know this will make me stronger, and it will just take time...

He-copers

2008-07-30T08:57:00.005-05:00

This is how our 2 year old West pronounces "helicopters" and man he has had lots of practice since we see about 43 a day go over the house, and lucky for momma late at night. The boys have gotten pretty good at naming which kind of helicopter it is and Parker is usually right - there's the Blackhawk, Kiowa, Chinook, and the Apache. They like the Apache because of the large guns on the sides...such boys.

Anyways, it has been such an experience coming here and starting this whole flight school for Jason and I. See I was under the impression that the Army would send us here after accepting Jason application, he would go to Warrant Officer School, then start flying. WRONG.

Basically there are the things that are called "holds". And that is exactly what they are- "just hold on and wait till the next part of school". I also had no idea that there were so many leadership and other kinds of courses that he would have to attend before even starting (WOC, JOPD, SERE, BOLC...) I know, you have to love the Army's acronyms. So now he is on HOLD for the LAST one, BOLC...then there is a 4-6 week HOLD before he actually starts flight school. And there is the kicker - there is about 4 parts to flight school all with HOLDS in between. Our neighbor has to wait 4-6 months before starting the last phase.

And you ask what are they doing on these HOLDS...coming home after early PT, a formation at 9, then your done for the day. Some guys study I guess, and some get funeral details, or other details of some sort that keep them busier.

So far, I have a love/hate relationship with the holds...he is home which is nice, letting me sleep late, or letting me nap, and helping a ton with the kids. But to be honest, we joke that this is just not how it is intended to be...being a stay-at-home dad was not something that the army told us about!

Also to answer the question that everyone asks, we have no idea what he will fly, and we have no idea where we will go. He has mentioned the Kiowa or the Apache and either Fort Hood or Germany...so though my life seems so out of my control...that is the Army and I have loved it so far. I love placing it in God hands saying what happens will be His will.

Happy 5th Birthday Parker

2008-07-25T09:29:00.004-05:00

Happy birthday to my first little man...he has been such a sweet, sensitive, fun-loving child to raise, and I can't believe he is 5 today! He is getting to pick his menu out today (pancakes, corn dogs, and spaghetti-o's and cupcakes for dinner -picture of health), then Jason and him are going on an "adventure" out in the woods this evening...complete with his own canteen, flashlight, and a campfire. On my birthday me and him are going to go all out and have a shared party with my parents here - with balloons, a pinata and a big dinner out. Here's to my special little boy, Parker...

Believe in Your Dreams

2008-07-23T19:39:00.003-05:00

Okay, going to let you have a little peek into my husbands wacky sense of humor...totally out there. His favorite movie at the moment is Hot Rod, I hated it. He loves Andy Samburg from SNL and one day we found this video on YouTube, and he is FORCING me to post this...I do not condone anything on this video...but it is pretty funny at the end.

PS...this is Jason, and I condone it all.

Taking A Break

2008-07-11T19:32:00.002-05:00

Gonna be a non-blogger for maybe a week...just need to focus on Jason and getting back in the routine of things...will be back soon! Thank you for all your prayers!

I Needed A Laugh

2008-07-09T15:50:00.004-05:00

Somehow this site has me cracking up at some of the comics...be careful though she uses foul language in some...but I can't stop laughing...here is a couple I liked, don't ask me why.